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There is a good chance you found us accidentally by using the word “taint” in your search (If you found us on purpose, you deserve our accolades). Of course, we don’t know what you were looking for, but you stumbled on a damn cool project. Look around; let us help send you on a musical journey. Here you will find a number of album reviews from the strange and extreme to the tame and mainstream. Our reviewers are a bunch of obsessive miscreants. Most of us are avid music collectors and have been involved in the music world for decades. A couple of us have been in or are still in bands.

There are no rules on Tickle Your Taint Blog. Our reviewers might make you laugh, or piss you off; both results are legitimate. One reviewer might write a glowing review of an album; another might tear it apart. We may have a new review every week, or we could end up with one every six months. This blog exists as a social experiment to build community among a diverse group of music maniacs – our reviewers and hopefully you.

Contributors include: Alec, Anita Papsmear, AntiChrist-iansen, Billy West, Beert, Cam Starke, Chastity Morgan, Class Warrior, Dale M, Dave, Dismal, El Jefe, Five-Inch Taint, Gory Zaver, Gusty Bellows, Hartman, HinckleyHadAVision, Ian, Infidel Cowboys (Lusk, Wyoming), Jack Rafferty, Jack Stephen, Jimmy “Explosive Diarrhea” B, Jon, Jonnie Dames Rio, Kloghole, Musical Odyssey, Null, PaulySure, Ratones, Scott, So Brick Eh?, SoDak, Spooner D, Taciturn Orator, TheNeonRooster, Travis, Vidal, and Wayne.

Saturday, July 25, 2020

Dead Songs

By Kloghole

One Dyin’ and a Burying (Roger Miller) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRasYKbdkcU
      This is kinda like writing my own obituary.  If not an actual fact, many times this is how I feel.  Life is a long and windy road full of its share of bumps and dips.  Sometimes you would like to stop traveling altogether.  All it takes is . . .
     When I began writing this, I thought that these were the songs that should be played at my wake/funeral/body dumping.  I am finding that the pressures of life - the tasks I have taken on and my psychological condition - have left me very fragile.  I really have no one to talk to.  I do not want to pay some psycho-babble freak to tell me what I already know, but I cannot be honest about what is happening to me with anyone I know.  My emotions leak out like olive oil from a press.  Perhaps this will help me deal with the contradictions I face.  Although these notes - somewhat cryptic - let some of the pain seep out, they are but a shadow of the pain that lies behind.

Chains and Things (B.B. King) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJJ4lI631Ng
    Sometimes the blues grabs me so hard I can scarcely breathe.  I just can’t tell whether I should cry, scream or smash something.  The things pile up in our lives, “when it rains it pours.”  I have always felt like living life was like trying to hold back the tide with a plastic shovel and a little red bucket.  Some days the pressure is paralyzing.  There is nowhere to go and nothing I can do about the things I face.  It seems, also, that the more I take on, the more the stakes get higher.  The more I try to help people, the greater the possibility that I will actually do more harm than good.  The problem is there is no going back.  We cannot unthink or undo the past.  The arrow of time only goes one direction.

Brown Eyed Women (Grateful Dead) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PekdeINQco
    This song reminds us that things will never be as they were.  We tend to romanticize the past and wish we could go back to a simpler time.  There are things in life that are the bedrock to our existence: family, love, hard work and sharing good times with your close friends.  Life just tends to slip away from us, day by day.  We spend our time chasing the unimportant, fighting back the things that occupy our time.  Little of our life is really left sharing and enjoying the connections that we have with others.  Even when we do, they are overshadowed by the weight of an imposed world.  If we truly had a choice in how we lived our lives, would this be it?  The minority who profit from the way things are do not have to “pick up the plow” when all else fails.  We are left to fend for ourselves in this unfeeling system, but we should not be alone.
    The feeling of togetherness and sharing the burden is the feeling I get from the stories my family tells me of the past.  Three successive “me” generations have left a hollow spot in people’s relationships with each other.  The increasing alienation of our system has left us ever more divorced from each other.  A general feeling of empathy is absent.  The question is, did I experience a unique upbringing, or have things really changed?

Waymore’s Blues (Waylon Jennings) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YOdkDwqduM
    There is a lot in this little song.  I’m not much of a fan of ties.  I really never had to work for a living despite the fact that I did not have my name on my shirt.  Of all the ways that I was able to keep food on the table, none of it was really “work” for me.  Some of the things I did were important and difficult tasks necessary for society, but I knew I was moving on down the road.  I was not chained to my exploitation.
    The song also speaks in other ways.  I’ve always had trouble with the ladies.  My first relationship was star-crossed from the beginning.  I didn’t know where I was, but I knew I didn’t want to be there.  I wandered early on, and nothing can change my past.  To her, every woman I knew was a woman I knew too well.  We would never get over the past.  I would never get over women.

Nutshell (Alice in Chains) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EKi2E9dVY8
    When I first heard this song, it was shortly after I had realized that not all people questioned the world they lived in.  The vast majority of people go on living their lives, just to make a living, not questioning why or what they are doing.  I had always felt different, but once I began to study sociology, I realized that unless we endeavor to change the world for the better, we are simply wasting away.  What is the purpose to life, if not to help others enjoy it?  And worse yet, some people are actively attempting to engorge themselves at the expense of others.  I find this situation intolerable.  To question the way things are places you in small company.  Living your life constantly at odds with the way things are leaves you alone in a space that distances you from others.  Once you enter this space, there is no way to go back, unless you become schizophrenic or jettison your morals like so much extra baggage.  The more you know, the more you know things are wrong.  The less you can do about it, the more helpless you feel. 
    People are constantly under the influence of the profit motive and selfish motivations.  Not only do people who question this state of affairs face the hostility of those who profit from it, others close to them cannot possibly understand the motivation for being such a Don Quixote.  What they don’t know is that the struggle for others is the only thing that keeps us going.  For some of us, to give up or to see the struggle as a failure leaves a meaningless life.  What really is life?  What do you do for a living?  Is it selling soap?  Is it watching pieces of metal going through a machine?  Is it digging in your garden?  Raising your family?  Caring for your sick?  Telling stories of the past?  Keeping someone from losing their livelihood?  A job is not what you do for a living!  Living is what you do for a living.  The question is, how can we live in a society like this?

Fell on Black Days (Soundgarden) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySzrJ4GRF7s
    Ever since I can remember, I have not really been happy.  That is not to say that I’ve not had good times with friends and family.  I would not have lived as long as I did had I not had such close people to share the burden of living.  Almost every child has growing pains, some more than others, but this really has shaped my life.  In addition to being on the fringes, I learned that authority is not something that is to be respected, especially when you know better.  My life is a cauldron of these experiences.  I certainly have been driven by some very core events.  The death of my sister and brother have always weighed heavy on my mind, and the suicide of a high school acquaintance left such an impression that my own thoughts about suicide were always tempered by the memory.
    I spent most of my life crashing back and forth between despair for a better world and rage at incompetent authority and an amoral, vampire ruling caste.  The actions of those in control spurred me on to action, but the realization that things would never really change, at least in my lifetime, drags me into the depths of depression.  Some of the most rewarding things in my life were the actual progress made when the chips were down - “sticking it to the man” - and seeing the lights come on in students’ eyes when they confront the world around them.  But most of the joys of my life cannot be disassociated with the evils that we confront.  Joy is steeped in pain, arises from pain and is tainted with pain.
    The problem is the very thing that brings meaning to my life also drags others down.  As I struggle, others experience, vicariously, the stress, the pain, the depression and the pressure of my struggles.  Some people are able to so easily knit their lives with their action.  I, however, have always had difficulty keeping my struggle from flowing over, like a roaring waterfall, into the rest of my life.  Partially, I think, for better or worse, I do not see a distinction between the “rest of my life” and the things I set out to do.

I Ain’t No Nice Guy (Motorhead) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xtbAuhhHjg
    I really have no idea what people’s impressions of me are.  My impressions of myself have changed over time.  Growing up, I was always the goofy dude, but I thought I was a “nice guy.”  My brother and I struggled to grow up under rather stressful conditions.  I am sure my brother’s impression of me was not very flattering at the time.  We healed after I went to college, but I did not really get much better.
    College was an entirely new kind of pain.  Things don’t always go the way you plan.  No matter how much you want things to work, it seems that forces are lined up against you to steal any possibility for happiness.  No matter how much I hated men who treated women like dirt, I couldn’t help becoming the very thing I despised.  I rationalized a lot of what took place over my life, but there is a lot I will never be able to explain, let alone excuse.  I don’t think anyone will know the depths of what I am sure so many others face.  You can exorcise some of your demons when you leave one relationship, but a whole new group of haunts will join you with the next.
    I tend to take the people closest to me for granted while at the same time expending a tremendous amount of energy trying to make strangers into friends, swaying them to the side of justice and social change.  All the while, home life is turbulent.  I profess to live for others and attempt to make social change for the good of the many, while I neglect (an overly nice word) the very people who care for me.  The people around me have to be stronger than I am to support my candle burning at both ends.

Wish You Were Here (Pink Floyd) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjpF8ukSrvk
    I spent much of my life away from those that I love.  This song somewhat captures the feeling I have while I’m away.  While I am with my loved ones, I tend to release all of the pressure that I build during my struggles.  Sometimes, being with people gets to be too much, for them and me.  I enjoy time alone - solitude.  That is not to say that I do not like to be social.  In fact, I tend to seek others’ approval every chance I get.  However, I like time to ruminate, forced escapes from pressures of deadlines.  But this time alone gives me time to really think about the people in my life.  When I’m alone, I tend to feel a deep bond that only seems to rise to the surface with distance.  L introduced me to this song, and it is with L that I experience the greatest swings in feelings.  While I am away, I know why I want to return to her.
    When I am near, she does not share the same passion for the struggle, and it makes it difficult to feel the same feelings that distance can produce.  I just don’t know what to do when the same things that make me so passionate do not awaken the same emotions in the person closest to me.  I wonder sometimes if I am expected to someday check my revolutionary fervor at the door and join the “human race.”  My single-minded pursuit tends to blind me and seek those that affirm my passion.  Only by being away can I see and feel how much my closest care for me and how I care for them.

Shelter (Corrosion of Conformity) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAG9otcaSWw
    I am actually not quite sure what this song is saying, but it has a nice, dark feel to it.  We spend our time trying to find the answer to all of the questions in life, but sometimes the experts are clueless and the “fools” know the way.  There tends to be an elitism in almost every facet of life.  Elites try to affirm their superiority through the denigration of the masses.  Even seekers of social justice scapegoat common folk for their backward thoughts and narrow views.  People have a feel and knowledge of life that elites will never have because common folk are mired in life.  They do not have to study life to know it.
    We tend to think about things so rigidly.  We also tend to judge others quickly.  We look down on those who are not like us.  Little do we know that they know more than we do, and even more, we may need them.  Even more surprisingly, some of the people who have been trodden on their whole lives are the people who are the most open with their hearts and minds.  They know just how painful life can be, and pain is less severe when it can be shared.

Belly Button Window (Jimi Hendrix) https://vimeo.com/258846703
    This song is full of hope, but it is also a serious look at the state of the world.  If we had the choice in the womb, would we chose to come out?  For me, it brings up a disturbing problem that we have, especially in the “developed” world: people reproducing because they can.  You people who bring children into this world only to torture them, with the trinkets of capitalism or other psychological oppression, should be put down.  
     Children will not make you happy if you are not of sound mind to begin with.  If you are not willing to be a parent, a real parent, then don’t do the disservice to your children and the world by bringing them here.  This is not an argument against “overpopulation” or “accidents.”  It is an argument against right-wing nutballs and mental deficients who think children are some kind of a right or toy to be brought into the world to justify their existence.  Children are not “cute.”  They are human beings who deserve attention and warmth that love and companionship can bring.  If I would have known what you all were up to when I was in the womb, I would have stayed there.  In fact, I tried.  Luckily, I had a family that cared for me.  What really bothers me about people who have children for selfish motives is that I have had to put off or give up on raising my own little ones because of the stress and lack of time for children. I know I shouldn’t have children, no matter how much I would want them.  I wish others would think before trying to use children as a way to brighten their mangled lives.  My apologies to Jimi for taking his song to such a dark place.  By the way, if you can’t get things straight, you know I will be back around to make sure you get it right.

What’s Up? (4 Non Blondes) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NXnxTNIWkc
    Oh, how some songs capture the feelings.  Revolution.  What does that mean?  Everyone fears change.  People lose control when their favorite pair of socks is discontinued.  Revolution is change, complete change.  Throw off the old, we are ready for the new.  End the oppression we all feel.  End the pain.  End the suffering.  Give the devil his due.  Drag the masters from their towers.  Instead, the majority toils day in and day out while the minority plays in their heaps of currency.  Why do we chase such meaningless goals and waste our time?  Given our level of complexity, we should all have enough free time to enjoy our lives.  It’s time.  Everyone should scream, “What’s going on?”  We need to start looking over our fences into our neighbors’ lawns to see how their doing.  If we keep our heads low and do not notice other people’s pain, we will not be able to see our own role in the problem.  We have got to get involved in any way that we know how.

Dreams (Allman Brothers Band) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rK_5cJpM06k
    The burden of life always makes it difficult to get out of bed.  I tend to sleep late, not out any real need for more slumber, but because once I step out of bed, I will have to face the day.  The trials of this life make it difficult to bear.  When I attempt some diversion, I tend to lead myself down paths that will only cause more hardship in the end.  Sometimes life brings unexpected pleasures, but they are not without their burdens and pain.  In my travels and experiences, I see things that I never will know are real.  I can never really know if what I am seeing is truly meant to be or a mirage, an apparition.  I stand, motionless, as life moves by me, for fear that I should even more screw up the life that I have.  The goals that I set for myself, the life that I envisioned as a child, the dreams that I had when I woke up in this world drift away before my eyes.  The dreams that I will never see tear at my soul.  But then we must come down from the mountain and live our lives.

Everything is Kinda Alright (Charlie Daniels Band) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZkBOrE5D2c
    I miss the days where the sun shone through the bubbles in my beer.  We all need days that it doesn’t matter what day it is.  For me, those days are over.  There is no 9 to 5 for me.  Every day off is just another day putting off the inevitable.  The pile just tends to get higher when I’m away.  But that doesn’t mean that we cannot enjoy.  We have to make the space for ourselves.  No matter what the powers that be take away from us, we have each other.  If we have each other, if we take the time, if we throw a middle finger up, “everything is kinda alright.”  I’ll never be able to wake up without the burden of the world tugging at my heart, but some days, I may be just too drunk to remember what’s dragging me down.  This is a long hard road, especially if you go against the grain, so take it easy while you can, and save yourself for the good fight.

Tick Tock (Vaughan Brothers) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8uUTW9zPbM
    We must feel, deeply, the pain of the world around us, but we cannot move from the depression, like the one that grips me, to move on to a better place unless we envision a world that we would want to live in.  What would the world look like if I held the paintbrush?  We all have to have something to look forward to.  Peace is hard to come by, but we should keep our dreams alive.  Even if we won’t be there to see them, we have to do our best to help make it possible for those that follow us to realize a future worth living in.  We are smart enough that peace is possible and happiness is just around the corner.  We can’t get there by hope or ideas, we must do it through actions.  Quit your bitchin’, get off your ass and make it happen.

Epilogue
    I hope you all enjoyed my little psycho rant.  It really didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, but things rarely do.  I could spend a little more time and put some more darkness in it, add a few songs and make it fit a little better.  The one thing about something like this is that you can never give too much of yourself away.  You can never make yourself vulnerable or be completely honest for fear that someone will know just how crazy you are or bend something into shapes that you never meant to conjure up.

    I always wondered how older people dealt with the accumulated baggage of their lives, the pain, the disappointment and all the free time in the world to think about it.  Really, I don’t think they do.  They bottle it up, and then when they move on in years, it comes spurting out like holding your thumb over a shaken pop bottle.  Other things remain buried, where no one will know why you act the way you do - why you are so touchy when others bring up certain subjects.  That’s kinda what this is.  That’s kinda why it’s so lackluster.  There is still a lot of things I keep in my bottle, so don’t shake me too hard.

Waiting for the Revolution,
P

Post Epilogue
    This was written back in 1999 as a cd insert for a compilation album. There are some things I would add, but it holds up (i.e., time has not made it any worse than it was to begin with) reasonably well. The one thing I would add is that my thoughts on "Shelter" are not the anti-intellectualism that is rampant 20 years later. I think some of the anti-science mania derives from the intentionally growing gulf between working people and the wealthy. Somebody has to be a scapegoat, and it always serves the wealthy's interests to keep people ignorant and fighting amongst themselves. While I may have been waiting for the revolution 20 years ago, now I hope for a super-volcano to put an end to all of this.

Sweet Dreams Motherfuckers

Sunday, July 19, 2020

Hayley and the Crushers, Vintage Millennial (2020)



By Beert

I’m not sure how it happened, but I have found myself drawn to a genre that can be described as bubblegum punk. My tastes are varied, and I do enjoy good music of whatever genre—good music being subjective to the listener, of course. Typically, I listen to a lot of doom and some harder-edged punk. But bubblegum punk has a certain quality of fun and positivity, even in its negativity, that is irresistible. Somehow, I found my way to Hayley and the Crushers.

Hayley and the Crushers hail from San Luis Obispo, California. The feeling of California is all over this band. With Hayley Crusher Cain leading the charge with great blasts of guitar energy and a fun, bouncy vocal style that comes across as an audio smile, you can’t help but find yourself drawn in from the start. Dr. Cain pounds away on the bass, doing some reply grooved runs here and there, of which the full effect comes forth. The band has a rotating cast of drummers. They have been backed up by solid percussionists on all of their records. On Vintage Millennial, their drummer is the unshakeable Ben Cabreana.

Vintage Millennial is the third full length offering from this magical trio, released in early 2020. They have put out a heap of singles and EPs as well. I strongly recommend everything.

Vintage Millennial starts out with a banger, “Put a Little Action In Ya.” The song has a great bounce and drive that almost requires you to do handclaps along with the band. There is such musical power within, but kept back just enough to have you dancing along from the start. The song itself, to this listener, who has a tendency to not be qualified to actually interpret lyrics, is about getting an expression of love from a significant other, before an absence, in a primal way.

The night is young
And I’m feelin so tuff
I wanna feel the animal scratching, yeah
When I feel the animal side.

This is a great start to the album. You immediately get the feel of the band and the lyrical content of the album as a whole. It creates a desire to just keep the album going.

“Kiss Me So I Can” resonates deeply with me. It serves as a stark realization that slipping into a rut within a relationship requires work to get out of it, in order to keep the love burning between those involved. This song brings up the idea of “just a kiss” to stoke the fire, to find that love that sometimes get lost in the shuffle.

Set the alarm, we’re not getting younger
Clear us a date, find us a way
To stop this bridge from burning.

I think Hayley has found a way to put these feelings into words, expertly. Musically, this song is a little more somber while maintaining a danceability. (Yes, I have danced around my apartment to this album on numerous occasions.) The farfisa hidden in the backdrop of the song adds a great touch.

“Poison Box” brings the drive back. Musically, the song is a tribute to 1980s style of punk, without feeling dated. There is a mash of influence from numerous bands in this song, all while remaining original. The song relates to Germany and World War II, specifically focusing on when the Allied forces were wondering what to do with Hitler’s Mean Kampf. Instead of burning books, to avoid seeming like the fascism they destroyed, the “poisonous” books were locked away (a good explanation can be found here: 
https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/the-giftschrank/). Given the subject matter, there are some German phrases within the song.

“If You Wanna Dance” conjures up a Go-Go’s feel, as much as I hate to offer straight up comparisons. But this song moves much the same, with a little heavier hand on the low end by Dr. Cain. It’s a very fun and active song. And once again we’re in a situation of creating love and passion in the song.

If you wanna stay, OK
If you wanna take me home
We’re all looking for a little release
We’re all looking for a heart of gold.

Again, Hayley has a way of getting what’s in her head and heart, out into lyrics. Something a lot of us have trouble doing (by “a lot of us,” I mean me, specifically). A total love song from top to bottom.

“Water on Glass” comes up next. This a cover of a Kim Wilde song, where the band tips the hat to the 1980s. I really appreciate how they make this song their own, while holding true to it. The choice of going with “Water on Glass” over a hit such as “Kids In America” is a great move.

The song “Forever Grom” closes out side A. It offers a definite foray into surf exotica. And, really, what else could define California beach culture more? With Dr. Cain riding waves and Hayley known for playing live in a swimsuit, this song almost defines the band. It’s a great instrumental, albeit, I wish the version was a little longer. And, if I may say, I could see this song fitting perfectly into the episode of Lancelot Link, where we find the secret chimp riding the waves to apprehend his nemesis in C.H.U.M.P. Am I dating myself?

Flipping this bright pink album over, we head into side B.

“Shoulda Been Shangela” kicks things off. This is a great pop-culture song, referencing the bands opinion that the wrong person won RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 3. I must admit that I have not been ensnared by this show, but this song makes me want to take a look at it. While the song offers a light-hearted overview, there is a deeper meaning. It addresses offering sympathy and unity to people who are not comfortable in their own skin, especially in context where they feel required to conform. 

What kind of world is this Texas town for a cross dressing kid
The cheer squad couldn’t protect you from the obnoxious, dumb, and cruel
They were so cruel!

Ultimately, this song is not about a television contest, but about the fear that people have of someone different, and how that exacerbates the fear of being someone different. It is about the feeling of fighting so hard to break out of a preconceived shell to become who you are, to strive to be your true self, your best self, even if you cannot quite attain what should have been yours all along. I love that all of this is tackled in this song. Lower tones are used throughout the song, along with quick bursts on the tiny strings to accentuate the vocals. It is a really great song through and through.

Following this, there is a great cover of X’s “Los Angeles.” And holy living fuck, do they nail this rendition. X is a great band, and Hayley and the Crushers doing X is a fantastic treat. Given that the band has some roots in LA, if I’m not mistaken, they play this song with heart. It is a really solid nod of respect to X.

“Gabbie Is a Domme” follows this up with a true story of a sex worker Hayley knew. It notes Gabbie’s decision to move up to a higher-paying position in a dungeon. And let’s face it, it is rare that a band can talk about something like this without adding an air of negativity or judgment. With Hayley and the Crushers, the only judgment is of respect and pride in Gabbie taking charge of her life and career, doing something even more empowering and gaining a better living in doing so.

I can see her, whip & chain in hand
And the nights she used to cry
All the boys will learn to stand in line
To get a taste of her rage.

This is a great feminist, pro-sex worker song, if there ever was one. There is even some killer glockenspiel work and reversed surf guitar thrown into the mix. Solid.

“I Don’t Wanna Be Like Johnny Ramone” brings us almost to the end of the album. It is a tight rager, commenting on Johnny Ramone and his attitude as he aged. It is a blatant rip on sucking all the fun out the Ramones and what the Ramones stood for.

Johnny he Johnny just look at your health
Everybody knows that you're losin’ it
Johnny hey baby maybe take a vacation 
Meditation can be an ok respite
Loosen your Levis and let down ur hair
Have one beer, I swear nobody will give a care if u do.

Fire.

The album winds down with “Attention Shoppers.” This song is oddly prophetic. As the album came out in January, this song seems to address the insanity associated with the pandemic plaguing the world at this time—especially the United States, thanks to our inept leadership. This a very Ramonesesque song, to me. I could easily hear Joey singing this song, if he were around today. By the way, the thought of Joey doing a guest vocal on a Hayley and the Crushers song would be an ideal combo, if only this was possible.

Don’t be alarmed
You can’t leave, lockdown emergency
We’ll be in the dark only momentarily.

Hayley and the Crushers bring a great time through music. They’re uplifting and fun, even when the subject matter may not be match for the music, which is something I love. This combination is much like the old Screeching Weasel/Born Against split, where each band, very different in style, wrote songs for the other to sing. 

Suffice it to say, I am in love with this band. They are very much my top choice in this style of music. I highly recommend them to everyone—even weirdos like me, looking haggard in an Acid King t-shirt. I think anyone can find some enjoyment with Hayley and the Crushers. Come on everybody...Get Crushed!



Beert’s Funeral Songs

From time to time, we present questions to our fellow taint ticklers. Recently, we asked: “What are five to ten songs that you would like to have played at your funeral?” There are numerous ways to approach this question. For music addicts, it is hard to limit the number of songs. Furthermore, the list is likely to change many times, as we remember additional songs and hear new music. Nevertheless, it is worth going through this process, as it is helpful to plan, and fun to share various musical connections. Below is Beert’s list. 

By Beert:

Normally, when we Tainters are tasked with a list, my initial reaction is full of excitement and wonder at the songs I would choose. The excitement quickly turns to being overwhelmed. I don’t do well with unlimited choices. I love going to record stores, but I usually leave empty-handed due to being overwhelmed with all of the choices. See where I’m coming from? Then I usually sit in regret for not picking up this or that (like not grabbing a compilation of African Metal bands I saw at Graywhale Records when I was recently in Salt Lake City).

But this list has intrigued me. I reflect back to the celebration of life of a great man, Dave Curington. At his memorial, the songs that were played were selected by him. All pertinent, all great, and all Dave. The kicker, to me, was when “Revenge” by NoMeansNo (https://youtu.be/vc9cXJzfHSg) came on. And I thought, “this is the perfect song for a memorial.” Likewise, I reflected how I will play Billy Bragg’s “Tank Park Salute” (https://youtu.be/qx-dtJ4Oovc) on Father’s Day or my Father’s birthday, as a memorial and reflection on how I looked up to him.

Once you attend a memorial for someone who had a different taste in music, and you weren’t hearing the sappy pop/pop-country songs that you hear at most funerals/memorials, it does push one to curate a list for their own memorial, if a memorial is something a person wants.

Thus, here is my list of funeral/death/memorial songs, at this particular hour, on this day:

Mr. Right & Mr. Wrong, “This Wound Will Never Heal.”
Jesus (band from North Dakota), “Closer to Fine” (cover of Indigo Girls).
Colin Hay, “Overkill.”
Cringer, “Blasphemous.”
Dead Moon, “It’s OK.”
J Church, “The Satanists Convene.”
Husker Du, “Monday Will Never Be the Same.”
John K. Samson, “Select All Delete.”
NoMeansNo, “Revenge.”
John Cage, “4’ 33.”

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Jimmy “Explosive Diarrhea” B’s Funeral Songs

From time to time, we present questions to our fellow taint ticklers. Recently, we asked: “What are five to ten songs that you would like to have played at your funeral?” There are numerous ways to approach this question. For music addicts, it is hard to limit the number of songs. Furthermore, the list is likely to change many times, as we remember additional songs and hear new music. Nevertheless, it is worth going through this process, as it is helpful to plan, and fun to share various musical connections. Below is Jimmy “Explosive Diarrhea” B’s list.  

By Jimmy “Explosive Diarrhea” B:

When I was asked to come up with five funeral songs, my first reaction was to think about which Blue Oyster Cult or Rush songs would work well. But, a second later, I realized that I couldn’t ruin these bands that I love for the people I love by having them associated with a tragedy. I will explain more. I figure there are several reasons to choose a playlist for a funeral. A soon to be decedent could choose favorite songs. Another temporary human might choose songs that defined his/her life. A drinker, for example, may look to the Moe Bandy catalog. My thought is that I want the songs to have nothing at all to do with my life, nor do I want them to be songs by bands I care about. I want my spouse and daughter to continue to love BOC. So, the five songs in the list below are songs and performers I can tolerate, but don’t care about. They are fun songs and just might make the funeral attendees say, “what the fuck?” I think this sentiment would be a great tribute to the great former person known as Jimmy.

Songs to be played at funeral:

1. Mac Davis, “It’s Hard to be Humble.”
2. Violent Femmes, “Country Death Song.”
3. Missing Persons, “Walking in L.A.”
4. Ben Colder (AKA Sheb Wooley), “Harper Valley PTA.”
5. Gary Neuman, “Cars.”

Saturday, June 27, 2020

Spooner D’s Funeral Songs

From time to time, we present questions to our fellow taint ticklers. Recently, we asked: “What are five to ten songs that you would like to have played at your funeral?” There are numerous ways to approach this question. For music addicts, it is hard to limit the number of songs. Furthermore, the list is likely to change many times, as we remember additional songs and hear new music. Nevertheless, it is worth going through this process, as it is helpful to plan, and fun to share various musical connections. Below is Spooner D’s list.  

By Spooner D

Songs to be played at funeral:

Intro music: George Winston, Plains (full album)


1.) Mary Gauthier, “Mercy Now”
2.) Modern English, “I Melt with You”
3.) George and Ira Gershwin, “Love Is Here to Stay”
4.) Tracy Chapman, “All That You Have Is Your Soul”
4.5) Tony Arata, “The Dance”
5.) Neil Young, “Mother Nature”



Outro music: George Winston, December (full album)

Song to listen to on the drive home (or any drive):
Patty Griffin, “Long Ride Home”
  

Friday, June 26, 2020

Alice Donut, Mule (Alternative Tentacles 1990)


By Null

Alice Donut have been one of my favorite bands for more than half my life. There is absolutely no other band on the planet like them. I have loved them from the time I bought my first Alice Donut CD in the college town of Iowa City and they have been blowing my mind ever since. Though I believe The Untidy Suicides of Your Degenerate Children may be their pinnacle of socially critical psychedelically deranged punk rock, I decided to review the album Mulebecause it was the first Alice Donut CD I bought, and it is a great place to start for those who have never experienced the Donut. But then I think, what about Revenge Fantasies of the Impotent or Bucketfuls of Meaninglessness and Horror in an Otherwise Meaningless Life? See, just the prospect of picking one album to review is problematic and difficult for me. 

Before we get into Mule, let me give you a little background. Alice Donut is a group of misfits from New York. Their first seven full-length albums were released on the great Alternative Tentacles record label and their last three albums were released on Howler records. Then they returned to Alternative Tentacles for the last full-length record they released. Their music is a blend of straight up rock, punk rock, and psychedelic noise landscapes that are frequently infused with often beautiful guitar strummed melodies. Most of their album covers depict grotesque cartoon characters illustrated by the lead singer Tomas. These same characters are usually drawn in Technicolor on the trench coat that is his live uniform. Alice Donut also have another mascot that frequents their album covers, a stubble faced man often dressed in women’s clothing. The lead singer has a very interesting voice, as he can sound like a screeching bug wailing with a sense of desperate vulnerability like a beetle scrambling for survival caught on a busy crosswalk in the heart of Manhattan’s rush-hour. Yes, he often sounds like a trapped bug, which fittingly echoes our little human lives in a vast universe in which we could be squashed at any moment. However, besides this sense of ultimate vulnerability, he is also able to sing in soft undertones that mirror a bittersweet loneliness, emotional desperation, and sadness. Alice Donut is a truly unique band. 

Mule opens with the track “Mother of Christ” which is a blistering rock tune where the singer wonders why “it sounds so ugly when he says what he feels.” What does he feel? He wants to know what it felt like to be the Virgin Mary during the moment of Immaculate Conception. It must have been great to be fucked by god, although most of us probably feel this every day. Here’s a sample:

Mother of Christ
I wanna feel what Mary felt (Mother of Christ)
I wanna feel what Mary felt (Mother of Christ)
when God spent his seed 

Mother of Christ
I wanna feel the messiah’s head (Mother of Christ)
against my confused virgin breast (Mother of Christ)
I wanna lactate sin free 

And I see the angel’s mighty sheath
And I feel the earth and heavens spread
And I see the skewered burning pit
And I feel the nugget of the seed

I’m the earth mother
I’m the virgin mother
Primordial mother
The virgin mother

And I feel the womb envy deep within
And I feel the holy conception
And I hear the groans of the damned
And I see the hymens ripped with sin

I’m the earth mother
The virgin mother
Primordial ooze 

I guess the question remains, was it consensual?

The next track is “Mrs. Hayes” and is a reoccurring theme that appears on many of Alice Donut’s subsequent albums: the subjugation of the female sex as a slave to patriarchal social norms. These female characters often have a moment of enlightenment many years later, and the result is often violent rebellion and vengeance. Over an angular repeating chord sequence, the story unfolds:

Mrs. Hayes
Takes a fork
And stabs in her husband’s neck
Rips his tongue
From his throat
And slashes at his fatty jowls
It’s just a dream
A drunken dream
but it makes her feel better
30 Years
Of wasted...life
Mr. Hayes
Lives alone
With his maid and cook

“Get over here!
Get over here!
Christ! You're an idiot!"
30 Years
Of wasted life
My small comfort when I go
When I go
Is he’ll be rotting in a home
A breathing corpse
Open casket Mr. Hayes
When I go
You...
...Gave...
...Me...
...NOTHING!!! 

Mrs. Hayes’s “drunken dream” is pale in comparison to her “30 years of wasted life,” and it is hard not to root for the slave. As Frantz Fanon states in Wretched of the Earth, when all other means of liberation are exhausted, the only hope for liberation is a knife at the master’s neck. Somehow, Alice Donut is able use humor and horror to paint a picture of reality that begs for this woman’s validation.

The grotesque cruelty between human beings found in many Alice Donut songs is not merely to entertain, but exists under a blanket illustrating how cruel human beings can be to one another when their orientation to the world is built upon a foundation of systematic dehumanization—this appeal to humanity becomes explicit through Alice Donut’s catalog and is further expanded in Mule itself.

“Mrs. Hayes” is followed by a mid tempo electric strumming beauty of more human isolation and alienation. The walls we build up between each other: “Roaches in the Sink.” 

Roaches in the sink, I’m cooking something dead
She’s holding my mistakes up over my head
I’m simmering my meal with utter patience
She’s screaming out bleeding verbal mutilations
A fed up Serbian kills Archduke Ferdinand
Unhinging the wrath of millions
Time to drink myself into
Oblivion
Stagger down the hall, open up the door
Ripped up photographs are scattered across the floor
Severed pieces of me
Pieces of my faulty personality
I walk inside the room, she’s staring hard in rage
With a stern moral expression
My future’s looking
Unpleasant

In the midst of this comic relief the music turns to whining melancholic guitars as the narrator sings:

I can’t afford this psychotic trauma pain thing
I can’t afford it anymore
I can’t afford the overwhelming weirdness

A murderous silence, she stares down at her feet
I take this as a cue, that I’m supposed to speak
In words of heartfelt conviction
And kneel before the priest
For my act of contrition

The next track is a little rocker: “Crawlpappy.” After all these years I am not sure what this song is about. A mushy priest? All I know is that at the end it is hard to take “the indignity of it all!”

Then we move to a remarkable tune, “My Severed Head,” philosophizing about death and the comedic accidental decapitation set to an amazing psychedelic rock grove and perfectly controlled feedback as the guitars move in and out of a melodic swirl of beautiful hues.

What if my...
Head were severed. By the gears...of a carbine
And it landed several feet from my convulsing twitching body
On the stump of my neck

It took seven minutes for the blood to drain
Would I be conscious, be conscious and able to see?

Initially, I’d be upset. For fucking up...in such a tremendous fashion
But I’d get easily distracted I’ve got a tendency toward sloth
Be a trooper, keep my chin up, Ponder something pointless

Am I my head or my body? Am I my body or my head? I think I’m more...
...attached to...my head emotionally

It’s horrible
The average death, In a hospital room Stuck on Frankenstein machine.
I hope I die in a freakish way, by an act of sheer stupidity. Something like...(2x)
Electric shaver in a bath tub
A lunchbox falling from a scaffold…drops twenty floors...and…crushes...
...me like an insect

Hilarious and brilliant.

If the album seems creative and brilliant at this point, the listener realizes that it has only just begun, as the next track “Bottom of the Chain” is a purely magnificent and super rocking Marxist critique of the dregs and disillusionment of the working class under capitalist hegemony and exploitation. The overt creativity and intellectual complexity of the Donut only now becomes evident. 

Repulsive furniture in a small home out in Queens
Spotted-tick-fever parents and their bat-wielding teens
Another murder, splattered across the news
Can’t wait till the flames engulf this city

Walk in the slaughterhouse for an 8-hour day
Walk out a butchered sow and crammed back in the train
I’m claustrophobic, so I stay close to the door
Get out at Essex, and start to transform
Into a human 

Here the narrator is reduced to nothing more than labor power, and like a cow being led to slaughter, he is dissembled and degraded, resulting in a loss of life.

I make your Xeroxes
(I know, I know)
I staple and I file
(I know, I know)
I’m going brain-dead
(I know, I know)
But I know what I’m worth,
Yeah I do

The head of my company doesn’t realize
That he’s expendable, it would still survive
But I’m the cannon fodder, the grease inside the wheel
I’m the nerve center, the achilles’ heel 

Indeed, the boss needs the narrator in order to produce surplus. And though the narrator’s life feels like “cannon fodder,” he is the “nerve center” at the center of the inhuman machine working, which is further examined in the next few lines:

And I’m the critical link
I’m the crucial link
I’m the weakest link
At the Bottom of the Chain
In the economy
(Weak link)
At the Bottom of the Chain
(Weak link)
In the economy
(Your link)
At the Bottom of the Chain...
(Bottom, bottom, bottom...) 

Though the narrator is the weakest link, which invokes the feeling of powerlessness, he is also the link that could break, disrupting the system, and bring down the entire thing. General strike, anyone?

An unimportant cell of an apathetic whole
Fractured, uninterested, without any goals
I like to drink a beer, stare out into the streets
Smoke some cigarettes, cook something to eat
Waiting for the city to burn 

The narrator’s life is filled with the mundane tasks of survival as he regenerates his strength and ability to return to work and surrender even more hours of his life. His only real dream of freedom is imagining the whole fucking system burning to the ground. The beast cannot be reformed. 

I’ve made no impact
(I know, I know)
On this mass culture
(I know, I know)
I’m going braindead
(I know, I know)
But I rule this earth
Yeah, I do
‘Cause when I collate
(I know, I know)
The masses tremble
(I know, I know)
And when I send a fax
(I know, I know)
The universe shudders at my fury

And I’m the critical link
I’m the crucial link
I’m the weakest link
At the Bottom of the Chain 

The song fades out with the chorus, ending side one.



The album continues with more sardonic, grotesque, and tragically comedic masterpieces, laced with some of the greatest guitar textures and grooves ever put on wax. It continues with a portrait of U.S. obesity in the song “Big Ass.” The lamentations of a child pleading for the life of a squirrel from the back seat of a car can be heard in “Roadkill.” By the middle of side two, we find a tender and hopeless acoustic ballad in the song, “Tiny Ugly World.” I played this song for a friend while I was attending the University of Iowa back in the early 1990s, and it had such an effect on him that he wrote all the lyrics on the back of his jean jacket. The Donut can have this kind of emotional power on a person, as they are much more complex than might be apparent at first listen.

As we get near the end of the album, the masterpiece “J Train Downtown: A Nest of Murder” feels like an appendage to “Bottom of the Chain,” in that it paints a comical, claustrophobic and nightmarish scene of riding a crowed New York City subway to work. At the end of the song the subway doors open and,

The insects spew
Caesarian birth
From a festering womb
Then we all flock out together, feeling perky
Headed towards the...Slaughterhouse

The album closes with a song called, “Cows Placenta To Armageddon.” Yes, it is as crazy as it sounds. A mutating virus turns people into grotesque forms, ultimately resulting in Armageddon. I’ll let you pick up the album and read the lyrics, as this album and this band are beyond description. The music is often beautiful and heartbreaking and serious and funny and tragic and…all of that. In addition, I must stress again, Alice Donut albums contain some of the best guitar riffs and textures of any album, anywhere. Every musician brings a distinct personality and style to the band. They are one of the best, hands down. 


I have seen Alice Donut three times: in a basement of a residential house Davenport, Iowa, in 1991, in San Francisco at an actual music venue in 1996, and in a nearly empty classroom on the Colorado State University campus in Fort Collins in 1992 (I think). While I was seeing them in the basement of a house in Iowa, there was a moment where Tomas, the lead singer, gave me the mic so I could sing the famous, “Oh Really?” line from the song “Lisa’s Father.” It remains one of my favorite memories, ever. Rarely do we get a band this good and this complex. All of their Alternative Tentacles albums are absolutely brilliant. Get them all, but Mule is a great place to start.