Is It Too Late for Music Videos?: Reflections Spurred by The Weeknd

By Chastity Morgan

 

The Weeknd just dropped his latest music video for “Too Late,” and I can’t unsee it. I still don’t know if I like it. The Brett Easton Ellis-esque nature of “Too Late” has a much-appreciated bubble-gum pop undertone. Now, I don’t want to give any spoiler alerts for those of you that haven’t had the pleasure of watching it yet. Let’s just say it’s as if American Psycho and The Bling Ring made a music video baby. 

 

In my humble opinion, music videos are a dying art form. Instead of watching the latest videos on MTV, I anxiously peruse YouTube searching for video debuts. Because of their scarcity, I always appreciate a good music video, regardless of my personal preference of the artist. The Weeknd’s video for “Too Late,” made me say, “Hmmm, what’s this mean? Does it mean anything?” It also made me reflect on the history of not just music, but music videos.

 

Over thirty-years later, Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” is still considered one of the best music videos of all time. More than just a music video, it was a short film that revolutionized the way we consumed music. Its extravagance was reflected in its half a million-dollar budget. Later on, half a million would be pennies compared to, “Scream,” which he released in 1995 with his sister, Janet Jackson. By the way, “Scream” stands strong as the most expensive music video ever made, coming in at a whopping 7 million dollars. 

 

“Thriller” was the game changer. It set the stage for a slew of artists and directors who teamed up to create videos in the form of Sundance shorts. Gus Vant Sant who directed Good Will Hunting collaborated with David Bowie and the Stone Temple Pilots. Sofia Coppola brought her quirky indy style to groups such as The Flaming Lips. Spike Jonze worked across genres from the Beastie Boys to Sonic Youth, and most recently, 2020 Vice President nominee (in 11 states), Kanye West. 

 

The purists critiqued music videos for their gluttony and cheesiness. Just ask ZZ Top, who unabashedly loved making videos because they were nothing more than “fun.” Others embraced the new medium as a way to further contribute to social commentary. Metal and rock groups that were already on the fringes of society used dream like imagery to critique the conformity of mainstream society. Don’t believe me? Just watch any Tool video or Marilyn Manson’s “Dope Show.” I will be thoroughly impressed if you can walk away from an old taping of Headbangers Ball without say, “huh?”

 

So, what’s up with The Weeknd? Is he an aspiring film producer starting small with his videos so he can eventually start producing full-length films? Is “Too Late” a dig to ex-girlfriend, Bella Hadid, and the life that he seems to live? Is it a raunchy video to compensate for a mediocre song? Let’s get real, this is not the best track on his album. Is it piggy-backing off of Get Out and adding to the conscientious dialogue of the sexualization of black male bodies in Hollywood? Or is it similar to Midsommar, where everyone who watched it had to make up some deep interpretation, so they could rationalize wasting two hours of their lives on some bullshit movie with absolutely no plot line? Either way, The Weeknd, you piqued my interest. Well played.

 

 

System of Slaves, Self-titled EP (2020)

 

 

By Beert

 

As a DJ of a dumb little radio show on KTEQ 91.3 FM in Rapid City, South Dakota (currently only in podcast format until this fucking COVID situation dies down), I find myself extremely lucky to hear from bands or labels from time to time. I am super appreciative that these fine folks send along some music. This is how I came across System of Slaves. Their drummer, David, sent the band’s four-song, self-titled EP, which they recorded in February of this year. Immediately upon listening, I was blown away.

 

System of Slaves is a four-piece band from Cardiff, United Kingdom. They blend multiple genres in a way that makes their sound unique. They reference Neurosis and Nausea as points of familiarity, which is appropriate. But I also hear His Hero Is Gone, Dirt, and even some points of Crass mixed into their music.

 

This EP is full of ferocity and passion. It is a heavy and ripping cacophony of music with intelligent, heartfelt, and pissed off at the state of affairs lyrics, with dual vocals. Such lyrics bring to mind The Proletariat.

 

The first song is “Obsession.” Musically, it starts with a dirge that quickly fires into some deep and powerful musical energy. The feeling I get is a focused anger. Once they get into the song, you can’t help but grit your teeth and feel your heartrate climb. The dual vocals are definitely a great mix and add a dynamic element. Lyrically, the song is intense. While I am not the greatest interpreter of lyrics, this song comes across as a story about living in a volatile and violent relationship, which results in the abused having to call the police, even though they know the police are not going to help, and will, in fact, continue the brutalization.

 

Breathless

And bloodied

(my obsession)

Is my suppression

Each blow telling me

Just fucking kill me

Look what I made you do

And I was such a good girl too

 

(I am the fucking law)

You’re not the fucking law.

 

“Chaos and Order” is the second offering. It addresses the division and definite inequality in the sexes (in this case male versus female), noting the overwhelming privilege and disproportionate leverage held by men. By maintaining this status quo, we, as humanity, will continually be held down by the state and patriarchy. Within this song, there is hope that if we build equality between the sexes (and between all humanity), we can tear down the powers that stand on us. We need to stop fighting between ourselves in order to fight the real tyranny.

 

It’s in you and me, can’t you see

It should be love – But we are taught to hate

Woman against man just helps the state.

 

Musically, it is very reminiscent of Nausea, but the recording holds a thicker, fuller sound. The song also starts with some chugging and speeds up about halfway through. Going back deep in my memory to live shows, I could really see the kids in the crowd rising up and starting a riotous pit moving along to this song. There are all kinds of great sing along spots to cause the swell of the crowd to move to the front, fists in the air, and uniting with the band.

 

“Breakoff” is a song about realizing the blindness we sometimes hold in love, where we choose to sometimes give in to some boundaries we normally wouldn’t. Upon this realization, we learn to love and respect ourselves enough to end something that is toxicity and that has entangled us. I think we can all see some parts of our past where this was evident. Sometimes, it just takes time to realize this. 

 

You can’t stop me I’m leaving you

Immediately

You fail to see I’ve lied to myself

Frequently

We disown our deception then face it

Honestly

My face didn’t fit, it never did

You hated me.

 

“Renegade” leads in with a slower interlude (is it a prelude if it starts a song?). Then the song blasts through your ears. It drives along with various parts of power and slowing down, almost to give a moment to realize the lyrics, which deal with the pain and despair of poverty and the hopelessness felt when you’re at that point in life. Thoughts about suicide and feelings that life is not worth living are clear. These sentiments are all too real when you feel that you are trapped in a situation where there is no way out.

 

I’m fucking dying here, bullet to my brain

When will it ever end, can’t go on again

Mental exhaustion, every day’s the same

Poor becomes who you are, I can’t take the pain.

 

As a whole, this EP is right on. There is not a bad song out of the four. I couldn’t even rank them from best to least-best. I love this record, and I am so thrilled to have been contacted to give it a listen. I needed to write this review, because I truly believe that System of Slaves deserves to have their gospel spread. They are reminiscent of older hardcore/punk/d-beat styles, but with a fresh sound. And the dual vocals are a plus and done very well. Get this EP and support these kids from Cardiff!

 

www.systemofslaves.bandcamp.com

The Persecuted, Terrorist U.S.A. (Rabbit Rabbit Records, 2020)

 

By SoDak

 

In dropping the needle on the new seven-inch record by The Persecuted, a band from both Salt Lake City, Utah, and Austin, Texas, the opening notes remind me of the U.K. Subs and other early British punk bands. The vocals, however, are more reminiscent of U.S. bands such as Resist, Deprived, and Aus-Rotten, from the late 1980s and early 90s. This is straight-forward, no frills, no bullshit, political punk rock, which can be refreshing, as it has been a while since I have heard new music in this vein. 

 

The opening track, “Terrorist U.S.A.,” is a medium-paced song, focused on the deaths associated with U.S. foreign policy, where bombing for peace is the American way.

 

Run through the flock while the reaper is calling,

Search for your family in the rubble that’s burning

No way to escape the bombs that are falling

An innocent victim of terrorist knowledge…

 

33 thousand civilians were killed

Bombs dropping like flies in the sands of the hills

Corpses decaying lying dead in the streets

All in the name of bringing freedom and peace.

 

The pace of the songs increases with the second track, “The Prisoner.” The chorus is to similar to the famous D.O.A. song with the same title, given the repeating of “the prisoner,” which has always been catchy. The third song, “Enslaved,” addresses being trapped in wage-slavery, as our lives are wasted, from “the cradle to the grave.” Both “So Many Lies” and “Brussel Bombs” focus on news media, misinformation, and the creation of fear. “State Patrol” takes aim at the role of the state and police in imposing control and domination through oppression. The drums and guitar on the final song, “Nixon’s Back,” have a driving beat, that is a bit hypnotic with the rhythmic vocals. The lyrics address the ongoing rise of fascism in the United States, where power and greed dominate, invoking the response:

 

Ridiculous politician

Should be shot

Has no concern for life at all

Begging from the poor

While the rich stay rich

The rich stay rich

The poor stay fucked.

 

The seven songs on this record clock-in at just over twelve minutes. They are catchy with gruff vocals, inviting the listener to sing along, expressing anger at the powers that be, who create so much death and misery. 

 

The packaging for the record is quite nice, perfectly fitting the style of music. The lyric booklet in particular, a five-by-five, is well-done, filled with classic punk graphics. This is the third release from Rabbit Rabbit Records, out of Chicago. Kudos. 

 

Persecuted Bandcamp:

https://the-persecuted.bandcamp.com

 

Rabbit Rabbit Records:

https://rabbitrabbitrecordspress.bigcartel.com/

 

SoDak’s Funeral Songs

From time to time, we present questions to our fellow taint ticklers. Recently, we asked: “What are five to ten songs that you would like to have played at your funeral?” There are numerous ways to approach this question. For music addicts, it is hard to limit the number of songs. Furthermore, the list is likely to change many times, as we remember additional songs and hear new music. Nevertheless, it is worth going through this process, as it is helpful to plan, and fun to share various musical connections. Below is SoDak’s list.  

 

By SoDak

 

“Immortal death,” as Lucretius remarked, is the end of life. In this, death is meaningless to the one who has died. I will exist no more. What others do, if they choose to mark this moment, is really up to them. Perhaps a few friends, who I have been lucky enough to share life with, will gather to tell some stories and enjoy their time together. What I list below are a handful of songs that folks may elect to play, if they need suggestions to get things going. 

 

Son Volt, “Windfall” (1995). 

Son Volt is home to me. I find much comfort when listening to their records. As I approach the Black Hills of South Dakota to visit friends, I almost always play Trace and from the first notes of the opening song, “Windfall,” I am happy. 

 

Five Stairstep, “O-o-h Child” (1970).

Throughout my life, “O-o-h Child” has moved me. The song is grounded in hardship, but filled with hope for a better future. Still chokes me up to this day. 

 

Willie Nelson, “Angel Flying too Close to the Ground” (1981), “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain” (1975), “Help Me Make It through the Night” (1980), “Your Memory Won’t Die in My Grave” (1996), or “The Scientist” (2012).

As a child, I was captivated by Willie Nelson, and he has consistently accompanied me through the years. As each day passes, I fall more and more in love with his music. He is one of my all-time favorite singers. His guitar playing is mesmerizing as well. There are long stretches where I only listen to Willie. This is not a casual experience, as I tend to be overwhelmed with emotions when listening to him. For me, Willie is the voice of earth. I hear it reverberating everywhere. He soothes my heart. Here I list some song options, as there are so many great Willie songs. I am particularly partial to many songs that feature Mickey Raphael, as he has accompanied Willie for decades playing the harmonica and has a very distinctive sound. 

 

Johnny Cash, “Hurt” (2002).

Johnny fucking Cash. My folks had very few records or tapes in the 1970s, but they had a couple by Johnny. I remember being in the car, as a very young child, as an 8-track tape played Johnny over and over. The boom-chicka-boom and deep voice might as well have been part of the car. At the house, I would repeatedly play their copy of I Walk the Line (1964) on the console stereo. The record is loaded with outstanding songs, including the title song, “Folsom Prison Blues,” “Give Me Love to Rose,” “Hey Porter,” “I Still Miss Someone,” and “Big River.” I also listened obsessively to “Ring of Fire” on another collection—the voice and the horns are so fucking powerful. Once I had money for records, I bought each Johnny record, following him through the years. His cover of “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails still floors me every time I hear it and is appropriate for this moment. 

 

Gillian Welch, “Leaving Train” (1998) or “Hickory Wind” (1999). 

Could flip a coin here. Gillian creates a calming space for reflection. 

 

Robert Earl Keen, “So I Can Get My Rest” (1993).

Another one for comfort. 

 

Jason Isbell, “If We Were Vampires” (2017).

Perfect song. Important reminder to make the most of life and to try not to waste it. 

 

New Model Army, “Green and Grey” (1989).

New Model Army remains one of my favorite bands. They are part of what constitutes me.

 

Bonnie “Prince” Billy, “I See a Darkness” (1999).

My preference is the very mellow version of “I See a Darkness” rather than the upbeat version that was released years later. 

 

Blue Öyster Cult, “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper” (1976).

Have been enthralled by this song since I first heard it in the 1970s. Still love it. 

 

Iron Maiden, “When the Wild Wind Blows” (2010).

Another constant thread throughout my life has been Iron Maiden. Have enjoyed so many Maiden concerts with dear friends and loved ones. Has been great growing older with the band.

 

Subhumans, “No” (1983).

One of my favorite punk rock bands. Short and to the point. 

 

Black Sabbath, “Children of the Grave” (1971).

This song still gives me goosebumps. It is fucking brilliant. It remains a great call for revolution.  

 

Mike Ray, “Lucretian Eulogy” and “Bone and Blood.”

Assuming my dear friend Mike is still present when I die, I hope he will play a couple songs for friends. His voice and songs are always in my head. 

 

As folks move toward sitting around a campfire, they may want to play songs by: Tracy Chapman, Iris Dement (“No Time to Cry”), Nomeansno (“Heaven Is the Dust Beneath My Shoes” and “Now”), Townes Van Zandt, Merle Haggard, John Gorka (“Temporary Road”), Bill Morrissey, Don Williams, Dave Alvin, Jimmie Dale Gilmore, Lucy Kaplansky (“Still Life”), Alejandro Escovedo, Tom Rush (“Child’s Song”), Richard Shindell (“I Saw My Youth Today”), Warren Zevon (“Keep Me in Your Heart”), Tom Petty, Mary McCaslin (“Prairie in the Sky”), Dead Silence (“Hope”), Dissent, Richard Buckner (“Blue and Wonder”), Journey, Highwaymen, (“Highwayman” and “Silver Stallion”), A.P.P.L.E. (“If in Heaven”), The Cure (“A Forest”), Neil Young (“Old Man”), Bruce Springsteen (“The River”), The Everybodyfields, early to mid-R.E.M., William Ackerman (“Conferring with the Moon”), Built to Spill (“Goin’ Against Your Mind”), Patti Smith (“Dancing Barefoot”), Cringer (“Blasphemous”), Depeche Mode (“Blasphemous Rumours”), Modern English (“I Melt with You”), Whiskeytown, The Psychedelic Furs (“Torch”), Citizen Fish, Bad Religion (“Sorrow”), Mandolin Orange (“Hey Stranger” and “Golden Embers”), Uncle Tupelo, Thad Cockrell (“Some Tears”), June Star, Bruce Cockburn (“Child of the Wind”), Jawbreaker, Samiam, Frog Holler, Rush, Steve Earle (“Me and the Eagle”), Guy Clark, The Replacements (“Here Comes a Regular”), John Denver (“Poems, Prayers, and Promises”), Nick Drake, Emmylou Harris, Jackson Browne (“These Days”), Firehose, Bill Withers (“Ain’t No Sunshine”), The Clash, Jesse Sykes (“Reckless Burning”), Varnaline (“Hear the Birds Cry”), Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash (“Burn Down” and “Beautiful Cage”), Strawman, J Church, Motörhead, Marvin Gaye (“What’s Goin’ On”), Cheryl Wheeler (“Howl at the Moon”), Meat Puppets, Ramones, Waylon Jennings, Kris Kristofferson, Gaslight Anthem (“The ‘59 Sound”), Pollution Circus, Political Asylum, George Strait, Midnight Oil, Andy Irvine, Fred Eaglesmith (“Water in the Fuel”), Tom Russell, and many more Willie Nelson songs. 

The Psychedelic Furs, Made of Rain (Cooking Vinyl, 2020)

 

Reviewed by Null

I don’t know what you think of when you think of The Psychedelic Furs. You may simply remember them as a band that helped define an “80s sound” with their hits in that era. However, if you are a real fan of the band, then your image of them is much more dark, emotional, and complicated.  

I always think of them as a punk band, much like The Cure or Joy Division. This harkens back to a time when punk was much more diverse in its sound. The Psychedelic Furs developed a more commercial sound in the mid-80s and eventually moved to a more atmospheric version of themselves. Yet, though all of these changes, The Furs always sound like The Furs: arty, cynical, political, and, at moments, beautifully sad.

Indeed, their masterpiece, Book of Days, wasn’t recorded until 1989, when only the true fans were still listening. Book of Days is to the Furs what Disintegration is to The Cure. In 1991, their last brilliant album, World Outside, was released. 

Thus, it has been 29 years since The Furs released a new album, and the crazy thing is that Made of Rain sounds like they pick up right where they left off with World Outside. Made of Rain isn’t a nostalgic trip, nor is it some unrecognizable version of the band. Astonishingly, it achieves the impossible. Twenty-nine years later, it is a natural progression, and it’s The Furs through and though. This is even more remarkable when considering that the only two original members are Richard and Tim Butler, on vocals and bass. It speaks to how much of the band’s sound resides in the brothers’ continued collaboration. The other members of the band couldn’t really be called “new,” because most, if not all of them, have been playing live with the band for many years. Kudos to them. Beyond the brothers, the other members make, frankly, kick-ass contributions. This is a band. Made of Rain makes it clear that The Furs are currently, yes, presently, a great band. 

I feel like I just ran into an old friend who I never knew I would hear from again. The years have passed and they have changed, but they are still the same friend I knew and loved. In a world that seems to be more and more filled with disappointment, it is a small victory that I still share the planet with this old friend.

If you’re a casual fan of the band, I don’t know what you might think of this album. However, if you’re a long-time, deep fan, and actually know their body of work, you’ll love this record.

 

 

Dead Songs

By Kloghole

One Dyin’ and a Burying (Roger Miller) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRasYKbdkcU

      This is kinda like writing my own obituary.  If not an actual fact, many times this is how I feel.  Life is a long and windy road full of its share of bumps and dips.  Sometimes you would like to stop traveling altogether.  All it takes is . . .
     When I began writing this, I thought that these were the songs that should be played at my wake/funeral/body dumping.  I am finding that the pressures of life - the tasks I have taken on and my psychological condition - have left me very fragile.  I really have no one to talk to.  I do not want to pay some psycho-babble freak to tell me what I already know, but I cannot be honest about what is happening to me with anyone I know.  My emotions leak out like olive oil from a press.  Perhaps this will help me deal with the contradictions I face.  Although these notes - somewhat cryptic - let some of the pain seep out, they are but a shadow of the pain that lies behind.

Chains and Things (B.B. King) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJJ4lI631Ng
    Sometimes the blues grabs me so hard I can scarcely breathe.  I just can’t tell whether I should cry, scream or smash something.  The things pile up in our lives, “when it rains it pours.”  I have always felt like living life was like trying to hold back the tide with a plastic shovel and a little red bucket.  Some days the pressure is paralyzing.  There is nowhere to go and nothing I can do about the things I face.  It seems, also, that the more I take on, the more the stakes get higher.  The more I try to help people, the greater the possibility that I will actually do more harm than good.  The problem is there is no going back.  We cannot unthink or undo the past.  The arrow of time only goes one direction.

Brown Eyed Women (Grateful Dead) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PekdeINQco
    This song reminds us that things will never be as they were.  We tend to romanticize the past and wish we could go back to a simpler time.  There are things in life that are the bedrock to our existence: family, love, hard work and sharing good times with your close friends.  Life just tends to slip away from us, day by day.  We spend our time chasing the unimportant, fighting back the things that occupy our time.  Little of our life is really left sharing and enjoying the connections that we have with others.  Even when we do, they are overshadowed by the weight of an imposed world.  If we truly had a choice in how we lived our lives, would this be it?  The minority who profit from the way things are do not have to “pick up the plow” when all else fails.  We are left to fend for ourselves in this unfeeling system, but we should not be alone.

    The feeling of togetherness and sharing the burden is the feeling I get from the stories my family tells me of the past.  Three successive “me” generations have left a hollow spot in people’s relationships with each other.  The increasing alienation of our system has left us ever more divorced from each other.  A general feeling of empathy is absent.  The question is, did I experience a unique upbringing, or have things really changed?

Waymore’s Blues (Waylon Jennings) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YOdkDwqduM
    There is a lot in this little song.  I’m not much of a fan of ties.  I really never had to work for a living despite the fact that I did not have my name on my shirt.  Of all the ways that I was able to keep food on the table, none of it was really “work” for me.  Some of the things I did were important and difficult tasks necessary for society, but I knew I was moving on down the road.  I was not chained to my exploitation.
    The song also speaks in other ways.  I’ve always had trouble with the ladies.  My first relationship was star-crossed from the beginning.  I didn’t know where I was, but I knew I didn’t want to be there.  I wandered early on, and nothing can change my past.  To her, every woman I knew was a woman I knew too well.  We would never get over the past.  I would never get over women.

Nutshell (Alice in Chains) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EKi2E9dVY8
    When I first heard this song, it was shortly after I had realized that not all people questioned the world they lived in.  The vast majority of people go on living their lives, just to make a living, not questioning why or what they are doing.  I had always felt different, but once I began to study sociology, I realized that unless we endeavor to change the world for the better, we are simply wasting away.  What is the purpose to life, if not to help others enjoy it?  And worse yet, some people are actively attempting to engorge themselves at the expense of others.  I find this situation intolerable.  To question the way things are places you in small company.  Living your life constantly at odds with the way things are leaves you alone in a space that distances you from others.  Once you enter this space, there is no way to go back, unless you become schizophrenic or jettison your morals like so much extra baggage.  The more you know, the more you know things are wrong.  The less you can do about it, the more helpless you feel. 
    People are constantly under the influence of the profit motive and selfish motivations.  Not only do people who question this state of affairs face the hostility of those who profit from it, others close to them cannot possibly understand the motivation for being such a Don Quixote.  What they don’t know is that the struggle for others is the only thing that keeps us going.  For some of us, to give up or to see the struggle as a failure leaves a meaningless life.  What really is life?  What do you do for a living?  Is it selling soap?  Is it watching pieces of metal going through a machine?  Is it digging in your garden?  Raising your family?  Caring for your sick?  Telling stories of the past?  Keeping someone from losing their livelihood?  A job is not what you do for a living!  Living is what you do for a living.  The question is, how can we live in a society like this?

Fell on Black Days (Soundgarden) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySzrJ4GRF7s
    Ever since I can remember, I have not really been happy.  That is not to say that I’ve not had good times with friends and family.  I would not have lived as long as I did had I not had such close people to share the burden of living.  Almost every child has growing pains, some more than others, but this really has shaped my life.  In addition to being on the fringes, I learned that authority is not something that is to be respected, especially when you know better.  My life is a cauldron of these experiences.  I certainly have been driven by some very core events.  The death of my sister and brother have always weighed heavy on my mind, and the suicide of a high school acquaintance left such an impression that my own thoughts about suicide were always tempered by the memory.
    I spent most of my life crashing back and forth between despair for a better world and rage at incompetent authority and an amoral, vampire ruling caste.  The actions of those in control spurred me on to action, but the realization that things would never really change, at least in my lifetime, drags me into the depths of depression.  Some of the most rewarding things in my life were the actual progress made when the chips were down - “sticking it to the man” - and seeing the lights come on in students’ eyes when they confront the world around them.  But most of the joys of my life cannot be disassociated with the evils that we confront.  Joy is steeped in pain, arises from pain and is tainted with pain.
    The problem is the very thing that brings meaning to my life also drags others down.  As I struggle, others experience, vicariously, the stress, the pain, the depression and the pressure of my struggles.  Some people are able to so easily knit their lives with their action.  I, however, have always had difficulty keeping my struggle from flowing over, like a roaring waterfall, into the rest of my life.  Partially, I think, for better or worse, I do not see a distinction between the “rest of my life” and the things I set out to do.

I Ain’t No Nice Guy (Motorhead) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xtbAuhhHjg
    I really have no idea what people’s impressions of me are.  My impressions of myself have changed over time.  Growing up, I was always the goofy dude, but I thought I was a “nice guy.”  My brother and I struggled to grow up under rather stressful conditions.  I am sure my brother’s impression of me was not very flattering at the time.  We healed after I went to college, but I did not really get much better.
    College was an entirely new kind of pain.  Things don’t always go the way you plan.  No matter how much you want things to work, it seems that forces are lined up against you to steal any possibility for happiness.  No matter how much I hated men who treated women like dirt, I couldn’t help becoming the very thing I despised.  I rationalized a lot of what took place over my life, but there is a lot I will never be able to explain, let alone excuse.  I don’t think anyone will know the depths of what I am sure so many others face.  You can exorcise some of your demons when you leave one relationship, but a whole new group of haunts will join you with the next.
    I tend to take the people closest to me for granted while at the same time expending a tremendous amount of energy trying to make strangers into friends, swaying them to the side of justice and social change.  All the while, home life is turbulent.  I profess to live for others and attempt to make social change for the good of the many, while I neglect (an overly nice word) the very people who care for me.  The people around me have to be stronger than I am to support my candle burning at both ends.

Wish You Were Here (Pink Floyd) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjpF8ukSrvk
    I spent much of my life away from those that I love.  This song somewhat captures the feeling I have while I’m away.  While I am with my loved ones, I tend to release all of the pressure that I build during my struggles.  Sometimes, being with people gets to be too much, for them and me.  I enjoy time alone - solitude.  That is not to say that I do not like to be social.  In fact, I tend to seek others’ approval every chance I get.  However, I like time to ruminate, forced escapes from pressures of deadlines.  But this time alone gives me time to really think about the people in my life.  When I’m alone, I tend to feel a deep bond that only seems to rise to the surface with distance.  L introduced me to this song, and it is with L that I experience the greatest swings in feelings.  While I am away, I know why I want to return to her.
    When I am near, she does not share the same passion for the struggle, and it makes it difficult to feel the same feelings that distance can produce.  I just don’t know what to do when the same things that make me so passionate do not awaken the same emotions in the person closest to me.  I wonder sometimes if I am expected to someday check my revolutionary fervor at the door and join the “human race.”  My single-minded pursuit tends to blind me and seek those that affirm my passion.  Only by being away can I see and feel how much my closest care for me and how I care for them.

Shelter (Corrosion of Conformity) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAG9otcaSWw
    I am actually not quite sure what this song is saying, but it has a nice, dark feel to it.  We spend our time trying to find the answer to all of the questions in life, but sometimes the experts are clueless and the “fools” know the way.  There tends to be an elitism in almost every facet of life.  Elites try to affirm their superiority through the denigration of the masses.  Even seekers of social justice scapegoat common folk for their backward thoughts and narrow views.  People have a feel and knowledge of life that elites will never have because common folk are mired in life.  They do not have to study life to know it.
    We tend to think about things so rigidly.  We also tend to judge others quickly.  We look down on those who are not like us.  Little do we know that they know more than we do, and even more, we may need them.  Even more surprisingly, some of the people who have been trodden on their whole lives are the people who are the most open with their hearts and minds.  They know just how painful life can be, and pain is less severe when it can be shared.

Belly Button Window (Jimi Hendrix) https://vimeo.com/258846703
    This song is full of hope, but it is also a serious look at the state of the world.  If we had the choice in the womb, would we chose to come out?  For me, it brings up a disturbing problem that we have, especially in the “developed” world: people reproducing because they can.  You people who bring children into this world only to torture them, with the trinkets of capitalism or other psychological oppression, should be put down.  

     Children will not make you happy if you are not of sound mind to begin with.  If you are not willing to be a parent, a real parent, then don’t do the disservice to your children and the world by bringing them here.  This is not an argument against “overpopulation” or “accidents.”  It is an argument against right-wing nutballs and mental deficients who think children are some kind of a right or toy to be brought into the world to justify their existence.  Children are not “cute.”  They are human beings who deserve attention and warmth that love and companionship can bring.  If I would have known what you all were up to when I was in the womb, I would have stayed there.  In fact, I tried.  Luckily, I had a family that cared for me.  What really bothers me about people who have children for selfish motives is that I have had to put off or give up on raising my own little ones because of the stress and lack of time for children. I know I shouldn’t have children, no matter how much I would want them.  I wish others would think before trying to use children as a way to brighten their mangled lives.  My apologies to Jimi for taking his song to such a dark place.  By the way, if you can’t get things straight, you know I will be back around to make sure you get it right.

What’s Up? (4 Non Blondes) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NXnxTNIWkc
    Oh, how some songs capture the feelings.  Revolution.  What does that mean?  Everyone fears change.  People lose control when their favorite pair of socks is discontinued.  Revolution is change, complete change.  Throw off the old, we are ready for the new.  End the oppression we all feel.  End the pain.  End the suffering.  Give the devil his due.  Drag the masters from their towers.  Instead, the majority toils day in and day out while the minority plays in their heaps of currency.  Why do we chase such meaningless goals and waste our time?  Given our level of complexity, we should all have enough free time to enjoy our lives.  It’s time.  Everyone should scream, “What’s going on?”  We need to start looking over our fences into our neighbors’ lawns to see how their doing.  If we keep our heads low and do not notice other people’s pain, we will not be able to see our own role in the problem.  We have got to get involved in any way that we know how.

Dreams (Allman Brothers Band) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rK_5cJpM06k
    The burden of life always makes it difficult to get out of bed.  I tend to sleep late, not out any real need for more slumber, but because once I step out of bed, I will have to face the day.  The trials of this life make it difficult to bear.  When I attempt some diversion, I tend to lead myself down paths that will only cause more hardship in the end.  Sometimes life brings unexpected pleasures, but they are not without their burdens and pain.  In my travels and experiences, I see things that I never will know are real.  I can never really know if what I am seeing is truly meant to be or a mirage, an apparition.  I stand, motionless, as life moves by me, for fear that I should even more screw up the life that I have.  The goals that I set for myself, the life that I envisioned as a child, the dreams that I had when I woke up in this world drift away before my eyes.  The dreams that I will never see tear at my soul.  But then we must come down from the mountain and live our lives.

Everything is Kinda Alright (Charlie Daniels Band) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZkBOrE5D2c
    I miss the days where the sun shone through the bubbles in my beer.  We all need days that it doesn’t matter what day it is.  For me, those days are over.  There is no 9 to 5 for me.  Every day off is just another day putting off the inevitable.  The pile just tends to get higher when I’m away.  But that doesn’t mean that we cannot enjoy.  We have to make the space for ourselves.  No matter what the powers that be take away from us, we have each other.  If we have each other, if we take the time, if we throw a middle finger up, “everything is kinda alright.”  I’ll never be able to wake up without the burden of the world tugging at my heart, but some days, I may be just too drunk to remember what’s dragging me down.  This is a long hard road, especially if you go against the grain, so take it easy while you can, and save yourself for the good fight.

Tick Tock (Vaughan Brothers) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8uUTW9zPbM
    We must feel, deeply, the pain of the world around us, but we cannot move from the depression, like the one that grips me, to move on to a better place unless we envision a world that we would want to live in.  What would the world look like if I held the paintbrush?  We all have to have something to look forward to.  Peace is hard to come by, but we should keep our dreams alive.  Even if we won’t be there to see them, we have to do our best to help make it possible for those that follow us to realize a future worth living in.  We are smart enough that peace is possible and happiness is just around the corner.  We can’t get there by hope or ideas, we must do it through actions.  Quit your bitchin’, get off your ass and make it happen.

Epilogue
    I hope you all enjoyed my little psycho rant.  It really didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, but things rarely do.  I could spend a little more time and put some more darkness in it, add a few songs and make it fit a little better.  The one thing about something like this is that you can never give too much of yourself away.  You can never make yourself vulnerable or be completely honest for fear that someone will know just how crazy you are or bend something into shapes that you never meant to conjure up.

    I always wondered how older people dealt with the accumulated baggage of their lives, the pain, the disappointment and all the free time in the world to think about it.  Really, I don’t think they do.  They bottle it up, and then when they move on in years, it comes spurting out like holding your thumb over a shaken pop bottle.  Other things remain buried, where no one will know why you act the way you do - why you are so touchy when others bring up certain subjects.  That’s kinda what this is.  That’s kinda why it’s so lackluster.  There is still a lot of things I keep in my bottle, so don’t shake me too hard.

Waiting for the Revolution,
P

Post Epilogue

    This was written back in 1999 as a cd insert for a compilation album. There are some things I would add, but it holds up (i.e., time has not made it any worse than it was to begin with) reasonably well. The one thing I would add is that my thoughts on "Shelter" are not the anti-intellectualism that is rampant 20 years later. I think some of the anti-science mania derives from the intentionally growing gulf between working people and the wealthy. Somebody has to be a scapegoat, and it always serves the wealthy's interests to keep people ignorant and fighting amongst themselves. While I may have been waiting for the revolution 20 years ago, now I hope for a super-volcano to put an end to all of this.

Sweet Dreams Motherfuckers