About Us


There is a good chance you found us accidentally by using the word “taint” in your search (If you found us on purpose, you deserve our accolades). Of course, we don’t know what you were looking for, but you stumbled on a damn cool project. Look around; let us help send you on a musical journey. Here you will find a number of album reviews from the strange and extreme to the tame and mainstream. Our reviewers are a bunch of obsessive miscreants. Most of us are avid music collectors and have been involved in the music world for decades. A couple of us have been in or are still in bands.

There are no rules on Tickle Your Taint Blog. Our reviewers might make you laugh, or piss you off; both results are legitimate. One reviewer might write a glowing review of an album; another might tear it apart. We may have a new review every week, or we could end up with one every six months. This blog exists as a social experiment to build community among a diverse group of music maniacs – our reviewers and hopefully you.


Monday, December 23, 2019

Festivus Musical Grievances 2019

While the list of grievances related to life and the world is quite long, several taint ticklers have kept their musical grievances short. Enjoy. 

Anita Papsmear: 

The Republican Party, the puffy Cheeto and many of its supporters.


Dale M.:

Fuck me, my tolerance for un-original, un-inspired crap has reach a point of no return. Enter Baby Metal—I know this “group” has been around for awhile, but if you haven’t heard this “band” I consider you fortunate. Melt Banana meets Miami Sound Machine anyone? This “is pure fuckery” and is “metal” musicians with k-pop or j-pop singers, which equals I would rather masturbate in public with a cheese grater or wipe my ass with wax paper than listen to this shit. Just to add insult to injury they have collaborated with Rob Halford to cover “Breaking the Law.” Mr. Explosive Diarrhea can file a hostile work place grievance against me for playing this nonsense for him. Furthermore, I will tender my resignation for knowing what j-pop and k-pop is.

Back in 2010, one of my grievances was related to the need for fossil rock bands to hang it up; today the need is even more so. I liken it to that person at work who can retire, but won’t because the only reason they haven’t is because work is their only purpose in life—and they more than likely pass away shortly after retirement. Today, I still have this same feeling but towards some of my favorite bands from back in the day. For example, take Slayer with its “farewell” tour, is it really? Slayer hasn’t released anything interesting to me since Seasons. Those people I mentioned last time, I referred to as clingers. This label applies to these bands who keep going on and on. It is a vicious cycle of the ones who made it big who continue to release overproduced excrement, while others who didn’t make it blame the ones who did for their own failure. The latter continue to release the same garbage juice as they did in the beginning. When I hear news that “insert band or group name here” will be breaking up, I rejoice, only to have a red hot fire poker shoved straight up my anus as I hear they are going on another tour or going to release another oily discharge bowel movement.

Mashups. Who’s fucking genius idea was to mix two already shitty songs into one unbearable song? Motley Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls” mixed with some Billie Ellish “song.” While you are at it, you might as well throw in some Christian song into the mix. Fuck.

80’s Hair Metal, X-mas songs, and Christian music, enough said—these genres will always be a grievance.

Skip’s CD World in Eugene closing this past summer/fall. 


Null:

1. Digital music: I still hate the idea of digital music. Nothing’s changed. I’ve gone so far as to start listening to, and buying, used cassette tapes. Complete defiance. And, yes, cassettes still sound like shit.

2. Morrissey: I have loved The Smiths all of my life and will continue to do so. I also loved Morrissey’s solo output. However, as the years go by Morrissey continues to baffle me with his elitist pull toward fascism. It is unbelievable to me that in this day and age when we need his witty mouth and vitriol on our side, considering the rise of nationalist and fascist movements around the globe, he has the fuck-nut idea of sporting a nationalist pin on his jacket. Fuck him. I’m tired of making excuses for him. He has turned into the nightmare he warned us of in his youth. To be honest, his last great album was 2006’s Ringleader of the Tormentors. I was always under the impression he was anti-fascist. Fuck him. I’m done. His plane went down over Germany in 2006.

3. Apathy of mainstream artists: Though there are many underground bands spitting rage at the state of the world, I am so disappointed at the lack of anger expressed in popular music these days. It’s strange to have Taylor Swift’s moderately liberal statements constitute the most controversial things happening in popular music. 

4. Lagwagon’s new album cover: Lagwagon had a really stupid album cover for their new album, Railer, this year. It has been great to see this band lyrically mature over the years, and their last couple of album covers reflected this slow change. I don’t mind humor in my punk rock, but I do demand a lot of purpose. However, this album cover looks like it could be the album cover for a “punk band” started by the kids of Blink-182. I ordered the album and it never showed up in the mail. I still don’t have it, so I can’t comment of the whether or not it stands in opposition to the album cover. Still, it’s stupid.


PaulySure:

While 2019 was in my opinion just a decent year for music, most of my grievances came less from band/releases (some things I absolutely loved, while some tried and true bands fell kind of short), but from elements of the industry itself. All three of my grievances this year are connected. So let’s get into it, shall we?

First off, not to repeat my first grievance from last year, but the big issue was the fact that the record store location that I called home, finally came to a close. On the last day, of the first month of 2019, the location closed its doors. It was the true end of an era. And while in last year’s grievances, I mentioned that the closure was temporary, it has been moved to an indefinite relocation. Funds keep needing to go other places for other things, like Record Store Day, and the rents in the city itself keep increasing primarily due to out of state investors. I was relocated to another location, so fortunately, I still had a job, but it just isn’t the same. The clientele are not nearly as friendly, and generally are downright rude. So I stepped down from a management position, to part-time, and now find myself in the world of finance. 

Secondly, I have resorted to signing up for the fairly dreaded Spotify. This is due to a few reasons, the largest of which I will outline in my final grievance (and frankly ties in with the first too). The first reason, it feels like streaming has become a bit of a necessary evil. The second is that with fewer new releases coming into many of the local shops, due largely to the final grievance, I am forced to seek out and listen to new releases some other way, and streaming has become the quickest, most efficient, and feasible. It’s not to say I am done buying music, far from it, I just need access to new bands/titles/etc. and thus my hand was forced.

My last grievance comes from major labels and distribution in this industry. I’ve been hearing about this issue for about the last 4-6 months, and each time it keeps getting worse. Now, some of the general public has more knowledge of this issue because of an article that Pitchfork posted the other day (https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/a-major-music-distributor-has-stifled-vinyl-sales-for-record-stores-and-indie-labels-sources-say/). This year, many of the major labels, but primarily Warner, signed a distribution deal with Direct Shot. This was supposed to make things somewhat more streamlined and easier, but actually did just the opposite. It is almost as if that bully kid stuck a stick in the spokes, and things are starting to crash. The above article mentions that the issue effects vinyl, but it actually effects music on all formats. Where a record store used to be able to purchase new releases and restocks on CDs, and return around 70-80 percent of said product to get credit for more new releases and restocks; working with Direct Shot has changed that to being only able to return roughly 25 percent of said product. This causes a huge strain on an independent record store. It is forcing them to only carry what they know will sale, which in this industry, changes regularly. It is also making it so that orders do not show up complete, or are delayed sometimes a week or months at a time. Now some of the issues come from Direct Shot. But some of the blame should lie with the major labels as well. Why? Because many of them do not actually want to press physical releases of anything anymore; they see no value in it, and it hurts us the fans, the people who want to support artists, and the people who care about hearing the whole album, not just the single. It’s awful, a music industry, not wanting music. It actually really harshes my mellow.


Scott:

This one’s easy. After a thirteen-year gap, Tool finally released a new album, Fear Inoculum. I don’t dislike the music, which is mostly fine (although it isn’t an especially memorable collection of songs, and more like a series of exercises in the Tool sound, or sounds, but that’s another issue). My gripe is with the packaging. The only physical format available was a gimmicky, super-duper multimedia CD that came with a little screen and speakers for showing, I don’t know, videos or some shit. It was expensive. And even if you wanted to fork over the money, it sold out almost immediately (and thus began the inevitable price gouging, for a time). Looking now, I see that you can also get a cheaper version that looks like a book and comes with 3D pictures of aliens and geometric shapes or whatever, which is still 30 bucks. Next time, skip all this silly bullshit!

SoDak:

Losing over 180 records due to flooding in the basement. The lack of seal around the water line, which was behind the wall, so it could not be seen, allowed rainwater to enter the room. One of my record shelves absorbed the water, which then spread through several rows of records. Earlier in the year, I had started to put plastic sleeves on records that did not have them, but I started on the top shelves rather than the bottom. I am resigned to the loss, but still depressed.

Morrissey. See Null’s comment above. 

Rob Miller (Amebix and Tau Cross). Rob lost his fucking mind, becoming a supporter of Holocaust denialism and other crazy shit. Tau Cross is no more, as the other members quit.

Idlewild, Interview Music. Production is good, but the record is forgettable. I had come to expect wonderful records from this band, so this one surprised me. 

A missing song on each of the first three Iron Maiden records that were reissued this year. Given that these were were remasters of the UK version, they did not include the singles, “Sanctuary,” “Twilight Zone,” and “Total Eclipse.” Damn it. 

No comments:

Post a Comment