By Kloghole
One Dyin’ and a Burying (Roger Miller) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRasYKbdkcU
This is kinda like writing my own obituary. If not an actual fact, many times this is how I feel. Life is a long and windy road full of its share of bumps and dips. Sometimes you would like to stop traveling altogether. All it takes is . . .When I began writing this, I thought that these were the songs that should be played at my wake/funeral/body dumping. I am finding that the pressures of life - the tasks I have taken on and my psychological condition - have left me very fragile. I really have no one to talk to. I do not want to pay some psycho-babble freak to tell me what I already know, but I cannot be honest about what is happening to me with anyone I know. My emotions leak out like olive oil from a press. Perhaps this will help me deal with the contradictions I face. Although these notes - somewhat cryptic - let some of the pain seep out, they are but a shadow of the pain that lies behind.
Chains and Things (B.B. King) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJJ4lI631Ng
Sometimes the blues grabs me so hard I can scarcely breathe. I just can’t tell whether I should cry, scream or smash something. The things pile up in our lives, “when it rains it pours.” I have always felt like living life was like trying to hold back the tide with a plastic shovel and a little red bucket. Some days the pressure is paralyzing. There is nowhere to go and nothing I can do about the things I face. It seems, also, that the more I take on, the more the stakes get higher. The more I try to help people, the greater the possibility that I will actually do more harm than good. The problem is there is no going back. We cannot unthink or undo the past. The arrow of time only goes one direction.
Brown Eyed Women (Grateful Dead) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PekdeINQco
This song reminds us that things will never be as they were. We tend to romanticize the past and wish we could go back to a simpler time. There are things in life that are the bedrock to our existence: family, love, hard work and sharing good times with your close friends. Life just tends to slip away from us, day by day. We spend our time chasing the unimportant, fighting back the things that occupy our time. Little of our life is really left sharing and enjoying the connections that we have with others. Even when we do, they are overshadowed by the weight of an imposed world. If we truly had a choice in how we lived our lives, would this be it? The minority who profit from the way things are do not have to “pick up the plow” when all else fails. We are left to fend for ourselves in this unfeeling system, but we should not be alone.
The feeling of togetherness and sharing the burden is the feeling I get from the stories my family tells me of the past. Three successive “me” generations have left a hollow spot in people’s relationships with each other. The increasing alienation of our system has left us ever more divorced from each other. A general feeling of empathy is absent. The question is, did I experience a unique upbringing, or have things really changed?
Waymore’s Blues (Waylon Jennings) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YOdkDwqduM
There is a lot in this little song. I’m not much of a fan of ties. I really never had to work for a living despite the fact that I did not have my name on my shirt. Of all the ways that I was able to keep food on the table, none of it was really “work” for me. Some of the things I did were important and difficult tasks necessary for society, but I knew I was moving on down the road. I was not chained to my exploitation.
The song also speaks in other ways. I’ve always had trouble with the ladies. My first relationship was star-crossed from the beginning. I didn’t know where I was, but I knew I didn’t want to be there. I wandered early on, and nothing can change my past. To her, every woman I knew was a woman I knew too well. We would never get over the past. I would never get over women.
Nutshell (Alice in Chains) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EKi2E9dVY8
When I first heard this song, it was shortly after I had realized that not all people questioned the world they lived in. The vast majority of people go on living their lives, just to make a living, not questioning why or what they are doing. I had always felt different, but once I began to study sociology, I realized that unless we endeavor to change the world for the better, we are simply wasting away. What is the purpose to life, if not to help others enjoy it? And worse yet, some people are actively attempting to engorge themselves at the expense of others. I find this situation intolerable. To question the way things are places you in small company. Living your life constantly at odds with the way things are leaves you alone in a space that distances you from others. Once you enter this space, there is no way to go back, unless you become schizophrenic or jettison your morals like so much extra baggage. The more you know, the more you know things are wrong. The less you can do about it, the more helpless you feel.
People are constantly under the influence of the profit motive and selfish motivations. Not only do people who question this state of affairs face the hostility of those who profit from it, others close to them cannot possibly understand the motivation for being such a Don Quixote. What they don’t know is that the struggle for others is the only thing that keeps us going. For some of us, to give up or to see the struggle as a failure leaves a meaningless life. What really is life? What do you do for a living? Is it selling soap? Is it watching pieces of metal going through a machine? Is it digging in your garden? Raising your family? Caring for your sick? Telling stories of the past? Keeping someone from losing their livelihood? A job is not what you do for a living! Living is what you do for a living. The question is, how can we live in a society like this?
Fell on Black Days (Soundgarden) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySzrJ4GRF7s
Ever since I can remember, I have not really been happy. That is not to say that I’ve not had good times with friends and family. I would not have lived as long as I did had I not had such close people to share the burden of living. Almost every child has growing pains, some more than others, but this really has shaped my life. In addition to being on the fringes, I learned that authority is not something that is to be respected, especially when you know better. My life is a cauldron of these experiences. I certainly have been driven by some very core events. The death of my sister and brother have always weighed heavy on my mind, and the suicide of a high school acquaintance left such an impression that my own thoughts about suicide were always tempered by the memory.
I spent most of my life crashing back and forth between despair for a better world and rage at incompetent authority and an amoral, vampire ruling caste. The actions of those in control spurred me on to action, but the realization that things would never really change, at least in my lifetime, drags me into the depths of depression. Some of the most rewarding things in my life were the actual progress made when the chips were down - “sticking it to the man” - and seeing the lights come on in students’ eyes when they confront the world around them. But most of the joys of my life cannot be disassociated with the evils that we confront. Joy is steeped in pain, arises from pain and is tainted with pain.
The problem is the very thing that brings meaning to my life also drags others down. As I struggle, others experience, vicariously, the stress, the pain, the depression and the pressure of my struggles. Some people are able to so easily knit their lives with their action. I, however, have always had difficulty keeping my struggle from flowing over, like a roaring waterfall, into the rest of my life. Partially, I think, for better or worse, I do not see a distinction between the “rest of my life” and the things I set out to do.
I Ain’t No Nice Guy (Motorhead) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xtbAuhhHjg
I really have no idea what people’s impressions of me are. My impressions of myself have changed over time. Growing up, I was always the goofy dude, but I thought I was a “nice guy.” My brother and I struggled to grow up under rather stressful conditions. I am sure my brother’s impression of me was not very flattering at the time. We healed after I went to college, but I did not really get much better.
College was an entirely new kind of pain. Things don’t always go the way you plan. No matter how much you want things to work, it seems that forces are lined up against you to steal any possibility for happiness. No matter how much I hated men who treated women like dirt, I couldn’t help becoming the very thing I despised. I rationalized a lot of what took place over my life, but there is a lot I will never be able to explain, let alone excuse. I don’t think anyone will know the depths of what I am sure so many others face. You can exorcise some of your demons when you leave one relationship, but a whole new group of haunts will join you with the next.
I tend to take the people closest to me for granted while at the same time expending a tremendous amount of energy trying to make strangers into friends, swaying them to the side of justice and social change. All the while, home life is turbulent. I profess to live for others and attempt to make social change for the good of the many, while I neglect (an overly nice word) the very people who care for me. The people around me have to be stronger than I am to support my candle burning at both ends.
Wish You Were Here (Pink Floyd) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjpF8ukSrvk
I spent much of my life away from those that I love. This song somewhat captures the feeling I have while I’m away. While I am with my loved ones, I tend to release all of the pressure that I build during my struggles. Sometimes, being with people gets to be too much, for them and me. I enjoy time alone - solitude. That is not to say that I do not like to be social. In fact, I tend to seek others’ approval every chance I get. However, I like time to ruminate, forced escapes from pressures of deadlines. But this time alone gives me time to really think about the people in my life. When I’m alone, I tend to feel a deep bond that only seems to rise to the surface with distance. L introduced me to this song, and it is with L that I experience the greatest swings in feelings. While I am away, I know why I want to return to her.
When I am near, she does not share the same passion for the struggle, and it makes it difficult to feel the same feelings that distance can produce. I just don’t know what to do when the same things that make me so passionate do not awaken the same emotions in the person closest to me. I wonder sometimes if I am expected to someday check my revolutionary fervor at the door and join the “human race.” My single-minded pursuit tends to blind me and seek those that affirm my passion. Only by being away can I see and feel how much my closest care for me and how I care for them.
Shelter (Corrosion of Conformity) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAG9otcaSWw
I am actually not quite sure what this song is saying, but it has a nice, dark feel to it. We spend our time trying to find the answer to all of the questions in life, but sometimes the experts are clueless and the “fools” know the way. There tends to be an elitism in almost every facet of life. Elites try to affirm their superiority through the denigration of the masses. Even seekers of social justice scapegoat common folk for their backward thoughts and narrow views. People have a feel and knowledge of life that elites will never have because common folk are mired in life. They do not have to study life to know it.
We tend to think about things so rigidly. We also tend to judge others quickly. We look down on those who are not like us. Little do we know that they know more than we do, and even more, we may need them. Even more surprisingly, some of the people who have been trodden on their whole lives are the people who are the most open with their hearts and minds. They know just how painful life can be, and pain is less severe when it can be shared.
Belly Button Window (Jimi Hendrix) https://vimeo.com/258846703
This song is full of hope, but it is also a serious look at the state of the world. If we had the choice in the womb, would we chose to come out? For me, it brings up a disturbing problem that we have, especially in the “developed” world: people reproducing because they can. You people who bring children into this world only to torture them, with the trinkets of capitalism or other psychological oppression, should be put down.
There is a lot in this little song. I’m not much of a fan of ties. I really never had to work for a living despite the fact that I did not have my name on my shirt. Of all the ways that I was able to keep food on the table, none of it was really “work” for me. Some of the things I did were important and difficult tasks necessary for society, but I knew I was moving on down the road. I was not chained to my exploitation.
The song also speaks in other ways. I’ve always had trouble with the ladies. My first relationship was star-crossed from the beginning. I didn’t know where I was, but I knew I didn’t want to be there. I wandered early on, and nothing can change my past. To her, every woman I knew was a woman I knew too well. We would never get over the past. I would never get over women.
Nutshell (Alice in Chains) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EKi2E9dVY8
When I first heard this song, it was shortly after I had realized that not all people questioned the world they lived in. The vast majority of people go on living their lives, just to make a living, not questioning why or what they are doing. I had always felt different, but once I began to study sociology, I realized that unless we endeavor to change the world for the better, we are simply wasting away. What is the purpose to life, if not to help others enjoy it? And worse yet, some people are actively attempting to engorge themselves at the expense of others. I find this situation intolerable. To question the way things are places you in small company. Living your life constantly at odds with the way things are leaves you alone in a space that distances you from others. Once you enter this space, there is no way to go back, unless you become schizophrenic or jettison your morals like so much extra baggage. The more you know, the more you know things are wrong. The less you can do about it, the more helpless you feel.
People are constantly under the influence of the profit motive and selfish motivations. Not only do people who question this state of affairs face the hostility of those who profit from it, others close to them cannot possibly understand the motivation for being such a Don Quixote. What they don’t know is that the struggle for others is the only thing that keeps us going. For some of us, to give up or to see the struggle as a failure leaves a meaningless life. What really is life? What do you do for a living? Is it selling soap? Is it watching pieces of metal going through a machine? Is it digging in your garden? Raising your family? Caring for your sick? Telling stories of the past? Keeping someone from losing their livelihood? A job is not what you do for a living! Living is what you do for a living. The question is, how can we live in a society like this?
Fell on Black Days (Soundgarden) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySzrJ4GRF7s
Ever since I can remember, I have not really been happy. That is not to say that I’ve not had good times with friends and family. I would not have lived as long as I did had I not had such close people to share the burden of living. Almost every child has growing pains, some more than others, but this really has shaped my life. In addition to being on the fringes, I learned that authority is not something that is to be respected, especially when you know better. My life is a cauldron of these experiences. I certainly have been driven by some very core events. The death of my sister and brother have always weighed heavy on my mind, and the suicide of a high school acquaintance left such an impression that my own thoughts about suicide were always tempered by the memory.
I spent most of my life crashing back and forth between despair for a better world and rage at incompetent authority and an amoral, vampire ruling caste. The actions of those in control spurred me on to action, but the realization that things would never really change, at least in my lifetime, drags me into the depths of depression. Some of the most rewarding things in my life were the actual progress made when the chips were down - “sticking it to the man” - and seeing the lights come on in students’ eyes when they confront the world around them. But most of the joys of my life cannot be disassociated with the evils that we confront. Joy is steeped in pain, arises from pain and is tainted with pain.
The problem is the very thing that brings meaning to my life also drags others down. As I struggle, others experience, vicariously, the stress, the pain, the depression and the pressure of my struggles. Some people are able to so easily knit their lives with their action. I, however, have always had difficulty keeping my struggle from flowing over, like a roaring waterfall, into the rest of my life. Partially, I think, for better or worse, I do not see a distinction between the “rest of my life” and the things I set out to do.
I Ain’t No Nice Guy (Motorhead) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xtbAuhhHjg
I really have no idea what people’s impressions of me are. My impressions of myself have changed over time. Growing up, I was always the goofy dude, but I thought I was a “nice guy.” My brother and I struggled to grow up under rather stressful conditions. I am sure my brother’s impression of me was not very flattering at the time. We healed after I went to college, but I did not really get much better.
College was an entirely new kind of pain. Things don’t always go the way you plan. No matter how much you want things to work, it seems that forces are lined up against you to steal any possibility for happiness. No matter how much I hated men who treated women like dirt, I couldn’t help becoming the very thing I despised. I rationalized a lot of what took place over my life, but there is a lot I will never be able to explain, let alone excuse. I don’t think anyone will know the depths of what I am sure so many others face. You can exorcise some of your demons when you leave one relationship, but a whole new group of haunts will join you with the next.
I tend to take the people closest to me for granted while at the same time expending a tremendous amount of energy trying to make strangers into friends, swaying them to the side of justice and social change. All the while, home life is turbulent. I profess to live for others and attempt to make social change for the good of the many, while I neglect (an overly nice word) the very people who care for me. The people around me have to be stronger than I am to support my candle burning at both ends.
Wish You Were Here (Pink Floyd) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjpF8ukSrvk
I spent much of my life away from those that I love. This song somewhat captures the feeling I have while I’m away. While I am with my loved ones, I tend to release all of the pressure that I build during my struggles. Sometimes, being with people gets to be too much, for them and me. I enjoy time alone - solitude. That is not to say that I do not like to be social. In fact, I tend to seek others’ approval every chance I get. However, I like time to ruminate, forced escapes from pressures of deadlines. But this time alone gives me time to really think about the people in my life. When I’m alone, I tend to feel a deep bond that only seems to rise to the surface with distance. L introduced me to this song, and it is with L that I experience the greatest swings in feelings. While I am away, I know why I want to return to her.
When I am near, she does not share the same passion for the struggle, and it makes it difficult to feel the same feelings that distance can produce. I just don’t know what to do when the same things that make me so passionate do not awaken the same emotions in the person closest to me. I wonder sometimes if I am expected to someday check my revolutionary fervor at the door and join the “human race.” My single-minded pursuit tends to blind me and seek those that affirm my passion. Only by being away can I see and feel how much my closest care for me and how I care for them.
Shelter (Corrosion of Conformity) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAG9otcaSWw
I am actually not quite sure what this song is saying, but it has a nice, dark feel to it. We spend our time trying to find the answer to all of the questions in life, but sometimes the experts are clueless and the “fools” know the way. There tends to be an elitism in almost every facet of life. Elites try to affirm their superiority through the denigration of the masses. Even seekers of social justice scapegoat common folk for their backward thoughts and narrow views. People have a feel and knowledge of life that elites will never have because common folk are mired in life. They do not have to study life to know it.
We tend to think about things so rigidly. We also tend to judge others quickly. We look down on those who are not like us. Little do we know that they know more than we do, and even more, we may need them. Even more surprisingly, some of the people who have been trodden on their whole lives are the people who are the most open with their hearts and minds. They know just how painful life can be, and pain is less severe when it can be shared.
Belly Button Window (Jimi Hendrix) https://vimeo.com/258846703
This song is full of hope, but it is also a serious look at the state of the world. If we had the choice in the womb, would we chose to come out? For me, it brings up a disturbing problem that we have, especially in the “developed” world: people reproducing because they can. You people who bring children into this world only to torture them, with the trinkets of capitalism or other psychological oppression, should be put down.
Children will not make you happy if you are not of sound mind to begin with. If you are not willing to be a parent, a real parent, then don’t do the disservice to your children and the world by bringing them here. This is not an argument against “overpopulation” or “accidents.” It is an argument against right-wing nutballs and mental deficients who think children are some kind of a right or toy to be brought into the world to justify their existence. Children are not “cute.” They are human beings who deserve attention and warmth that love and companionship can bring. If I would have known what you all were up to when I was in the womb, I would have stayed there. In fact, I tried. Luckily, I had a family that cared for me. What really bothers me about people who have children for selfish motives is that I have had to put off or give up on raising my own little ones because of the stress and lack of time for children. I know I shouldn’t have children, no matter how much I would want them. I wish others would think before trying to use children as a way to brighten their mangled lives. My apologies to Jimi for taking his song to such a dark place. By the way, if you can’t get things straight, you know I will be back around to make sure you get it right.
What’s Up? (4 Non Blondes) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NXnxTNIWkc
Oh, how some songs capture the feelings. Revolution. What does that mean? Everyone fears change. People lose control when their favorite pair of socks is discontinued. Revolution is change, complete change. Throw off the old, we are ready for the new. End the oppression we all feel. End the pain. End the suffering. Give the devil his due. Drag the masters from their towers. Instead, the majority toils day in and day out while the minority plays in their heaps of currency. Why do we chase such meaningless goals and waste our time? Given our level of complexity, we should all have enough free time to enjoy our lives. It’s time. Everyone should scream, “What’s going on?” We need to start looking over our fences into our neighbors’ lawns to see how their doing. If we keep our heads low and do not notice other people’s pain, we will not be able to see our own role in the problem. We have got to get involved in any way that we know how.
Dreams (Allman Brothers Band) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rK_5cJpM06k
The burden of life always makes it difficult to get out of bed. I tend to sleep late, not out any real need for more slumber, but because once I step out of bed, I will have to face the day. The trials of this life make it difficult to bear. When I attempt some diversion, I tend to lead myself down paths that will only cause more hardship in the end. Sometimes life brings unexpected pleasures, but they are not without their burdens and pain. In my travels and experiences, I see things that I never will know are real. I can never really know if what I am seeing is truly meant to be or a mirage, an apparition. I stand, motionless, as life moves by me, for fear that I should even more screw up the life that I have. The goals that I set for myself, the life that I envisioned as a child, the dreams that I had when I woke up in this world drift away before my eyes. The dreams that I will never see tear at my soul. But then we must come down from the mountain and live our lives.
What’s Up? (4 Non Blondes) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NXnxTNIWkc
Oh, how some songs capture the feelings. Revolution. What does that mean? Everyone fears change. People lose control when their favorite pair of socks is discontinued. Revolution is change, complete change. Throw off the old, we are ready for the new. End the oppression we all feel. End the pain. End the suffering. Give the devil his due. Drag the masters from their towers. Instead, the majority toils day in and day out while the minority plays in their heaps of currency. Why do we chase such meaningless goals and waste our time? Given our level of complexity, we should all have enough free time to enjoy our lives. It’s time. Everyone should scream, “What’s going on?” We need to start looking over our fences into our neighbors’ lawns to see how their doing. If we keep our heads low and do not notice other people’s pain, we will not be able to see our own role in the problem. We have got to get involved in any way that we know how.
Dreams (Allman Brothers Band) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rK_5cJpM06k
The burden of life always makes it difficult to get out of bed. I tend to sleep late, not out any real need for more slumber, but because once I step out of bed, I will have to face the day. The trials of this life make it difficult to bear. When I attempt some diversion, I tend to lead myself down paths that will only cause more hardship in the end. Sometimes life brings unexpected pleasures, but they are not without their burdens and pain. In my travels and experiences, I see things that I never will know are real. I can never really know if what I am seeing is truly meant to be or a mirage, an apparition. I stand, motionless, as life moves by me, for fear that I should even more screw up the life that I have. The goals that I set for myself, the life that I envisioned as a child, the dreams that I had when I woke up in this world drift away before my eyes. The dreams that I will never see tear at my soul. But then we must come down from the mountain and live our lives.
Everything is Kinda Alright (Charlie Daniels Band) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZkBOrE5D2c
I miss the days where the sun shone through the bubbles in my beer. We all need days that it doesn’t matter what day it is. For me, those days are over. There is no 9 to 5 for me. Every day off is just another day putting off the inevitable. The pile just tends to get higher when I’m away. But that doesn’t mean that we cannot enjoy. We have to make the space for ourselves. No matter what the powers that be take away from us, we have each other. If we have each other, if we take the time, if we throw a middle finger up, “everything is kinda alright.” I’ll never be able to wake up without the burden of the world tugging at my heart, but some days, I may be just too drunk to remember what’s dragging me down. This is a long hard road, especially if you go against the grain, so take it easy while you can, and save yourself for the good fight.
Tick Tock (Vaughan Brothers) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8uUTW9zPbM
We must feel, deeply, the pain of the world around us, but we cannot move from the depression, like the one that grips me, to move on to a better place unless we envision a world that we would want to live in. What would the world look like if I held the paintbrush? We all have to have something to look forward to. Peace is hard to come by, but we should keep our dreams alive. Even if we won’t be there to see them, we have to do our best to help make it possible for those that follow us to realize a future worth living in. We are smart enough that peace is possible and happiness is just around the corner. We can’t get there by hope or ideas, we must do it through actions. Quit your bitchin’, get off your ass and make it happen.
Epilogue
I hope you all enjoyed my little psycho rant. It really didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, but things rarely do. I could spend a little more time and put some more darkness in it, add a few songs and make it fit a little better. The one thing about something like this is that you can never give too much of yourself away. You can never make yourself vulnerable or be completely honest for fear that someone will know just how crazy you are or bend something into shapes that you never meant to conjure up.
I always wondered how older people dealt with the accumulated baggage of their lives, the pain, the disappointment and all the free time in the world to think about it. Really, I don’t think they do. They bottle it up, and then when they move on in years, it comes spurting out like holding your thumb over a shaken pop bottle. Other things remain buried, where no one will know why you act the way you do - why you are so touchy when others bring up certain subjects. That’s kinda what this is. That’s kinda why it’s so lackluster. There is still a lot of things I keep in my bottle, so don’t shake me too hard.
Waiting for the Revolution,
P
I miss the days where the sun shone through the bubbles in my beer. We all need days that it doesn’t matter what day it is. For me, those days are over. There is no 9 to 5 for me. Every day off is just another day putting off the inevitable. The pile just tends to get higher when I’m away. But that doesn’t mean that we cannot enjoy. We have to make the space for ourselves. No matter what the powers that be take away from us, we have each other. If we have each other, if we take the time, if we throw a middle finger up, “everything is kinda alright.” I’ll never be able to wake up without the burden of the world tugging at my heart, but some days, I may be just too drunk to remember what’s dragging me down. This is a long hard road, especially if you go against the grain, so take it easy while you can, and save yourself for the good fight.
Tick Tock (Vaughan Brothers) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8uUTW9zPbM
We must feel, deeply, the pain of the world around us, but we cannot move from the depression, like the one that grips me, to move on to a better place unless we envision a world that we would want to live in. What would the world look like if I held the paintbrush? We all have to have something to look forward to. Peace is hard to come by, but we should keep our dreams alive. Even if we won’t be there to see them, we have to do our best to help make it possible for those that follow us to realize a future worth living in. We are smart enough that peace is possible and happiness is just around the corner. We can’t get there by hope or ideas, we must do it through actions. Quit your bitchin’, get off your ass and make it happen.
Epilogue
I hope you all enjoyed my little psycho rant. It really didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, but things rarely do. I could spend a little more time and put some more darkness in it, add a few songs and make it fit a little better. The one thing about something like this is that you can never give too much of yourself away. You can never make yourself vulnerable or be completely honest for fear that someone will know just how crazy you are or bend something into shapes that you never meant to conjure up.
I always wondered how older people dealt with the accumulated baggage of their lives, the pain, the disappointment and all the free time in the world to think about it. Really, I don’t think they do. They bottle it up, and then when they move on in years, it comes spurting out like holding your thumb over a shaken pop bottle. Other things remain buried, where no one will know why you act the way you do - why you are so touchy when others bring up certain subjects. That’s kinda what this is. That’s kinda why it’s so lackluster. There is still a lot of things I keep in my bottle, so don’t shake me too hard.
Waiting for the Revolution,
P
Post Epilogue
This was written back in 1999 as a cd insert for a compilation album. There are some things I would add, but it holds up (i.e., time has not made it any worse than it was to begin with) reasonably well. The one thing I would add is that my thoughts on "Shelter" are not the anti-intellectualism that is rampant 20 years later. I think some of the anti-science mania derives from the intentionally growing gulf between working people and the wealthy. Somebody has to be a scapegoat, and it always serves the wealthy's interests to keep people ignorant and fighting amongst themselves. While I may have been waiting for the revolution 20 years ago, now I hope for a super-volcano to put an end to all of this.
Sweet Dreams Motherfuckers
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