Dearest Five-Inch Taint,
In addition to learning that you are a well-known Icelandic
folk singer (see flip-side), my travels have also taught me of the elusive
feared North Atlantic cousin of La Chupacabra, the Kertikabra. Walking the
streets of Reykjavik post-Christmas, I noticed these strange Viking-like candelabras
adorned in, not most, but ALL of the front windows of every home I passed. I
was discussing it amongst my kin, when a local passerby hushed me rudely. We
immediately returned his stink eye with more questions and out of impatience
and fear she reluctantly told us the tale of ol’ Kerti. This Krampus-like-cabra
eats the youngest of every household that fails to pay respect to him by the
lighting of these candelabras that share his holiness likeness. Needless to
say, we’re coming home without Pete. Turns out visitors in Airbnbs are not
exempt.
Best,
AntiChrist-iansen
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