There is a good chance you found us accidentally by using the word “taint” in your search (If you found us on purpose, you deserve our accolades). Of course, we don’t know what you were looking for, but you stumbled on a damn cool project. Look around; let us help send you on a musical journey. Here you will find a number of album reviews from the strange and extreme to the tame and mainstream. Our reviewers are a bunch of obsessive miscreants. Most of us are avid music collectors and have been involved in the music world for decades. A couple of us have been in or are still in bands.
There are no rules on Tickle Your Taint Blog. Our reviewers might make you laugh, or piss you off; both results are legitimate. One reviewer might write a glowing review of an album; another might tear it apart. We may have a new review every week, or we could end up with one every six months. This blog exists as a social experiment to build community among a diverse group of music maniacs – our reviewers and hopefully you.
Contributors include: Alec, Anita Papsmear, AntiChrist-iansen, Billy West, Beert, Cam Starke, Chastity Morgan, Class Warrior, Dale M, Dave, Dismal, El Jefe, Five-Inch Taint, Gory Zaver, Gusty Bellows, Hartman, HinckleyHadAVision, Ian, Infidel Cowboys (Lusk, Wyoming), Jack Rafferty, Jack Stephen, Jimmy “Explosive Diarrhea” B, Jon, Jonnie Dames Rio, Kloghole, Musical Odyssey, Null, PaulySure, Ratones, Scott, So Brick Eh?, SoDak, Spooner D, Taciturn Orator, TheNeonRooster, Travis, Vidal, and Wayne.
My wife and I had a 5:00 AM flight out of Denver, so we were a bit dazed rolling into the airport around 3:30. It was busier than you would expect. I guess DIA has a lot of early flights given that it is in the middle of the county. Every time I travel out of DIA, I wonder when the construction will ever end? It just goes on and on for years. I can’t remember traveling out of here and not seeing any construction. Also, as per usual, I was perplexed by the set list laid out by the DIA DJ.
First off in the bathroom, I heard the instrumental Jazz-fusion version of Elvis Presley’s “Can’t Help Falling in Love.” As I relieved myself, I thought this was a good choice for the restroom. I would have maybe gone with “Let It Go, Let It Flow” by Dave Mason (RIP). I really enjoy his solo album Alone Together, especially the track “Shouldn’t Have Took More than You Gave.”
As I went through security, I remembered the sign in the bathroom about recognizing human trafficking. Seems to me that the TSA agents should stop sweating travelers on the little stuff and work on helping to stop the sex trafficking situation? They are probably a bit more qualified than I am.
We waited in line at the Dazbog coffee stand and I saw three people getting ready for work at the Executive Shoe Shine Stand. How much does a shoe shiner net these days? It almost seems like a service from a bygone era. I hope they get paid by the hour, especially with so many travelers walking around with adorned Crocs.
What song was on the speaker? “I Ran” by the Flock of Seagulls.
I’m not sure I’m a huge Flock of Seagulls fan, but I will never forget the video and the lead singer’s hair gelled up with those out-of-control wings. I remembered the Flock of Seagulls were the opening act for A-ha at the Paramount Theater in Denver, which was the first concert I attended when I was about 15. My buddy and I were seated in the upper balcony. First concerts are always a strange experience, do I stand? If yes, when? Also, what is my standing dance move? Eventually, we all figure it out. It was a pretty good show, but in retrospect it seemed like both bands probably needed a few more hit songs.
We made it to the gate, which was right near the Woody Creek Café, which is named after the Colorado town Hunter S. Thompson made famous. I suppose he was a pretty good writer? Or was his work overshadowed by his legend? I think I have more respect for what he did versus how he said it. In comparing him to Charles Bukowski, I would probably have the opposite opinion. Nevertheless, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was pretty overrated and Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail ’72 was pretty epic. We sure could use a journalist like Thompson today! He will always be a treasured icon in Colorado. I didn’t notice the menu at the Cafe, maybe they had an LSD burger with a Peyote fries?
I noticed as I sat at our gate and read the newspaper (do it people!), our plane was going to be delayed. While unfortunate, it did give me a chance to get the full picture of this airport soundtrack because our gate was very close to a speaker. It went like this:
“It’s Your Thing” by the Isley Brothers.
This is a pretty solid track by the Isley Brothers. My favorite song by them is for sure “Footsteps in the Dark,” mostly because it was sampled on the Ice-Cube track “It Was a Good Day.” What an incredible rap song! “I had the booze, she had the chronic.... The Lakers beat the Supersonics,” so it went.
“Larger Than Life” by the Backstreet Boys.
I never got into any boy bands. I never really understood the attraction. For some reason they were pretty big in the 1990s. The internet informs me that The Beatles were considered the first boy band? At this point, I think Google and the AI bots can eat a dick, a sentiment much like I feel about those boy bands.
For an alternative track, I would like to hear something by Noah Kahan. He’s super hot right now, and I couldn’t tell you about one song he has. This airport soundtrack would be a great way to introduce people to his stuff, that is if they could get people to take off their headphones and trust the DIA DJ a little bit.
“I’ll Be Loving You Always” by Stevie Wonder.
Stevie is always a big player on these playlists, and this track doesn’t disappoint. He is so gifted. Reading up on his career, I learned that he was one of the few musicians to sue Barry Gordy and win control of his own music. He was also integral in getting Martin Luther King Day to be a national holiday. While I thought this was a good selection, I might have gone with “Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing” or “If You Really Loved Me,” but with Stevie and his endless hits, it really doesn’t matter all that much.
“Shake Your Groove Thing” by Peaches and Herb.
This duo consisted of Herb Frame and a few other female singers who served as “Peaches.” They had a couple of hits and were pretty fun? I would have definitely liked to hear their other smash hit “Reunited,” which seems a little more fitting for travelers at an international airport.
About now, I would love some Jazz on this playlist. Have you heard Speak No Evil by Wayne Shorter? It’s a freaking outstanding album with several songs that would work on this soundtrack. Or maybe play some Thelonious Monk or John Coltrane? Pick one, they both have plenty tracks that astound, especially one with Coltrane on soprano sax, say “Central Park West” or “My Favorite Things”—both are gems.
“Come Together” by The Beatles.
Really that’s what you went with? While this track shows some innovative mastery, there’s so many other Beatles’ tracks that I absolutely love. How about something off Revolver or Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club? Or maybe just play “Happiness Is a Warm Gun,” or “Oh, Darling,” or “Fixing a Hole,” or “I’m Only Sleeping?” I’m probably in the minority, but Abby Road is not my top Beatles album even though “She Came in Through the Bathroom Window” is pretty great. It’s probably tough to choose when you are sifting through the songs of one of the most impactful rock groups there ever was, but maybe try a bit harder Mr. DJ?
“Sing a Song” by Earth, Wind & Fire.
This is a fun track, but not peak Earth, Wind & Fire I’d say. Maybe they could have played “Can’t Hide Love” or the always cherished “After the Love Is Gone.” Or just skip Earth, Wind & Fire all together. They could have played some more current R&B, like maybe something from the band Jungle or Thee Sacred Souls. It’s not going to hurt anyone to hear something a bit newer would it? Heck, if you have to keep it old school, mix it up with some Grace Jones, say “Pull Up to the Bumper.”
“Mountain Music” by Alabama.
Alabama was always a lame band. They had some crossover appeal for some reason, but they were no Eddie Rabbit or Kenny Rogers that’s for sure. If the DJ wanted to play some country music, there are many other options. Jason Isabell’s newest album Foxes in the Snow is fantastic and has a great number of solid tracks. Or throw on some alt-country artists like Wilco or Justin Townes Earle. The first concert I took my wife to when we were dating was Wilco at the Tarrant County Convention Center. When I bought the tickets, at one of my favorite record stores Good Records, the clerk assured me the tickets would be in the front and Jeff Tweedy would be spitting distance. As it turned out, we could not have been further away in the last row. It didn’t matter though, it was amazing to see them from the back. We made out the whole show and fell in love.
“Don’t Know Much” by Aaron Neville and Linda Ronstadt.
This is a pretty good track depending how bored with music you are? I always thought the Neville Brothers were a bit overrated, but a lot of folks sure enjoy them. As far as the New Orleans sound goes, I would have enjoyed listening to The Meters or maybe some jazz by Branford or Wynton Marsalis. A little jazz is always refreshing right (see above)? They even could have played some Dixieland Jazz. A Dixieland Band played at my wedding, which was pretty fun time after those shots of Tequila.
“What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong.
Great song, great voice, and what a great selection! This song was so big people forget Sachmo was an incredible trumpet player. Check out one of his albums with the Hot Fives—some pretty amazing stuff. He also did a little acting and some other stuff most people with his background would never do. “What a Wonderful World” has such a great message, thanks Mr. Armstrong.
“I Heard It Through the Grapevine” by Marvin Gaye.
This is a fantastic track even though nowadays it reminds me of the California raisin commercial. He had an amazing voice and some smooth songs. What a crazy personal life though. He married Barry Gordy’s sister? Of course, everyone knows how things wrapped up for Marvin, getting shot by his father. Just a tragedy for the music world. I wish the airport DJ would have fired up “What’s Going On,” which is probably one of the top R&B tracks there ever was.
“Dancing in the Street” by Martha and the Vandellas.
I guess this was a good track, but I would have preferred the 1980s version with David Bowie and Mick Jagger. There was the nutty video where they were walking around singing and dancing in the street, how novel! Rumor had it they were involved in some sort of gay tryst, or something? That’s how it went in the 1980s, you had to watch it, almost anything could be gay!
“Family Affair” by Sly & the Family Stone.
This was a great song and a great choice for the soundtrack. Sly and his group the Family Stone pioneered a sound people never saw coming. Kind of like a more popular Gil-Scott Heron, Sly had songs that spoke to a generation and not just because he was super funky. Also, much like Gil-Scott Heron, he had a super intense cocaine problem. He was another great musician who changed music for the better while endlessly struggling to try and satiate their own demons.
“Fun, Fun, Fun” by the Beach Boys.
An easy, safe selection by the Beach Boys, the band that took pop music, paired it with the California Beach dreams, and rocked the US of A. I find myself a pretty big fan of the Beach Boys but don’t really find myself listening to them all that much. Brian Wilson’s whinny voice just starts to grate a bit. That being said, Pet Sounds is an unbelievable album. I think the airport DJ could have played “Wouldn’t It Be Nice,” or “God Only Knows,” or “Sail on Sailor,” but “Fun, Fun, Fun” was okay. Maybe dig a bit deeper into their catalog next time? Also “Fun” Brian had a massive cocaine problem as well; this part of the soundtrack was cocaine inspired!
“It’s Not Unusual” by Tom Jones.
Welshman Tom Jones took grooving and hip gyrating to a different place after he arrived in Las Vegas, like if Wayne Newton had a cocaine problem perhaps? I suppose I like Tom okay, I dunno? He seems fun but maybe a bit performative? Anyway, he is what he is, a lot of people think he is the “bee’s knee’s,” as his fans might say. I would have maybe liked to hear “Delilah” or his cover of EMF’s “Unbelievable,” but when your flight has been delayed this long, I guess this is what you get.
“Champagne Supernova” by Oasis.
Oasis is probably the worst band on this soundtrack. I don’t think I ever had any respect for Oasis after one of the Gallagher brothers said, “We’re bigger than the Beatles!” I was like, “What?” I guess recently Oasis had to go on tour again to earn some money because of one of the Gallagher’s brother’s recent divorces tapped them out. This band is about as overrated as they could be, their songs suck, and they sound like a bunch of assholes. But what do I know, I would say Coldplay sucks as well.
“Caribbean Queen” by Billy Ocean.
Sure, play this one, it’s a fun song. You could have also worked in “Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car” or “There’ll Be Sad Songs (To Make You Cry),” why not? Billy stayed in his lane and did what he did, fun tracks. A cool voice perfect for really any soundtrack whether the airport or a Sprouts market.
“Careless Whisper” by George Michael.
What a voice and what a career. With his band Wham, he had a couple of number one hits in the eighties—poppy, trendy songs. Then he goes solo with his Faith album and about blew the roof off; it was an absolutely massive album. Everyone was singing “I Want Your Sex” and pretending it wasn’t about gay sex, including George Michael for that matter. Anyway, who cares what sex you’re into. George Michael was a pretty incredible pop artist in the 1980s. I thought “Father Figure” was a cool song too, not sure about the pedophile undertones though?
“Down Under” by Men at Work.
God damn this was a big song. Paired with the film Crocodile Dundee, Australia was really on the radar in the United States in the 1980s. What to say about Men at Work? I guess they were okay. Have you ever sunk your teeth in a Vegimite sandwich? It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Even though “Overkill” is a pretty good song, at least as far as Men as Work goes, I would have preferred a Midnight Oil track or something by the Hoodoo Gurus. Those were a couple of bands the Australians recommended when I was down there in 1986.
“Drive My Car” by The Beatles.
And we come back to The Beatles. I don’t have a problem with that, The Beatles have plenty to choose from, but “Drive My Car’? After “Down Under,” you probably could do better. I’d say “Ticket to Ride,” or “Lady Madonna,” or if you really wanted to bring it home with these travelers waiting to go somewhere, you could have gone with “Nowhere Man.” Or to nail this airport travel experience, you could have played “Baby You’re a Rich Man,” you know “You keep all your money in a big brown sack,” as it goes.
“Rescue Me” by Aretha Franklin.
Pretty incredible artist, but not the best Aretha selection. I would think “Do Right Woman” should probably get priority? It’s tender, it’s mellow, and it is a track that really shows the range of her talents. I can almost see myself sitting in a church somewhere watching her belt it out. An alternate artist I would have liked to hear would have been Amy Winehouse, say “He Can Only Hold Her,” off the amazing Back to Black album. Amy was exceptional in talent and in tragedy.
What did the DJ really miss?
He should have thrown on some Sting. His solo work is the perfect soundtrack music. He wrote simple songs composed with very creative orchestration. He has so many perfect songs for any soundtrack, see “Fields of Gold,” “Brand New Day,” “Fortress Around My Heart,” or “Shape of My Heart.” They fit for almost anywhere. I was in a King Soopers market recently, and they played “If I Ever Lose My Faith in You” while I was shopping for a jar of salsa, just a perfect albeit overpriced moment. (In contrast, typically you would hear “Circles” by Soul Coughing at a Whole Foods, but who can afford salsa at Whole Foods?) I would have loved to hear Sting’s track “Seven Days” waiting at the gate, a song that takes me back. It also feels like I’ve been waiting for this plane to board for about seven days.
After a long wait, they ended up changing our gate. We hurried down the causeway to another plane and boarded quickly. I wondered if I should care about this music so much or if I should put on my ear buds/headphones like everybody else? I’m not going to do it. For one, I don’t own any headphones. After all the live music I’ve seen, I am hyper paranoid about protecting my hearing at this point. Also, we’re all here together in the airport jetting off to all kinds of destinations, shouldn’t we indulge the airport DJ? Shouldn’t we consider the music they picked out for us? Maybe it doesn’t matter with all the hubbub, but I like to think it does. Our plane took off for Maui.
