About Us


There is a good chance you found us accidentally by using the word “taint” in your search (If you found us on purpose, you deserve our accolades). Of course, we don’t know what you were looking for, but you stumbled on a damn cool project. Look around; let us help send you on a musical journey. Here you will find a number of album reviews from the strange and extreme to the tame and mainstream. Our reviewers are a bunch of obsessive miscreants. Most of us are avid music collectors and have been involved in the music world for decades. A couple of us have been in or are still in bands.

There are no rules on Tickle Your Taint Blog. Our reviewers might make you laugh, or piss you off; both results are legitimate. One reviewer might write a glowing review of an album; another might tear it apart. We may have a new review every week, or we could end up with one every six months. This blog exists as a social experiment to build community among a diverse group of music maniacs – our reviewers and hopefully you.


The Taint Ticklers Rating Systems

Anita Papsmear:

Anita utilizes a five point "smear" scale:

1 smear =  benign
2 smears = not worth the time
3 smears = wouldn't worry about it but, if u wanna - go ahead
4 smears = u should pay attention to this
5 smears = malignant - u must listen to this now!

Class Warrior:

Class Warrior uses multiple rating systems. When reviewing metal albums, he uses the bloody sword system. Zero bloody swords is horrible garbage, while ten bloody swords would be a mix CD of the best metal songs ever recorded.

For punk records Class Warrior uses a one to ten "Punk Points" scale.

For power pop Class Warrior uses a "skinny Ties" scale.
 
Dave:

Dave utilizes a simple one to ten scale system. Dave tickles his taint for 10 minutes to a perfect record, and one minute or less for a steaming pile of shit.

Dismal:

Dismal's rating system is not easy to describe; his love for a record determines how robustly he manipulates his taint.


Five-Inch Taint:

Five-Inch Taint’s rating system is based on “The Couric,” which is a standard unit of measurement for the mass weight of feces. Developed by the European Fecal Standards and Measurements Board, one Couric equals approximately two and a half pounds of feces. Now, this works a bit differently than other ranking systems. A low score (1 Couric) is a positive review because it is the smallest pile of shit possible. A maximum score of 5 is reserved for the biggest piece of shit you have ever heard.


Hartman:

Hartman does not use a rating system at this time.

Jimmy "Explosive Diarrhea" B:

Jimmy utilizes a simple one to ten scale system. Jimmy tickles his taint for 10 minutes to a perfect record, and one minute or less for a steaming pile of shit.

Kloghole:

Kloghole's rankings are based on two opposing indicators. First, the good are represented by an Indian dessert his friends have affectionately named “sweet sticky balls.” They are donut hole-sized pastries infused and soaking in an unrealistically sweet syrup. The bad are represented by your average constipated turd nugget. The scale progresses from three sweet sticky balls to three turds.

Null:

Null does not use a rating system at this time.

Scott:

Scott does not use a rating system at this time.

SoDak:

SoDak does not use a rating system at this time.
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