Mastodon, Crack the Skye
Review by Jimmy (Explosive Diarrhea) B
The members of the heavy metal band Mastodon were found figuratively dead in their respective homes March 24, 2009, the day they released their most recent album, Crack the Skye. Mastodon began their musical journey as a sludgy death metal act, but grew into progressive metal standouts.
The cause of figurative death, according to Jimmy B, a former fan, was suicide. Mastodon, according to Jimmy, “must have been figuratively dead for quite some time. I can’t seem to get the sounds of their last CD’s putrescence out of my head. They’re barely even metal now! Goddamn it, my head hurts so fucking bad! I need some Iron Maiden right now! Fuck!”
Other former fans suspect foul play. One theory is that the band were figuratively murdered by record label executives in the same way that bands like Omen and Celtic Frost were figuratively killed in the 1980s by being forced to record cover songs and power ballads. Mastodon did not record any power ballads on Crack the Skye, but parts of the thirteen-minute song, “The Last Baron,” come close with its simple song structure and slow tempo. Figurative investigators believe that these songs represent Mastodon’s figurative death spasms. Former fans point out the album is more simple, slower, over-produced, and second rate, compared to earlier releases. This theory falls apart however when we consider that Mastodon’s record label, Relapse, is known for supporting other progressive metal bands like Minsk and Alchemist. A second theory being thrown around by former fans is that the instrument of figurative death could be drugs and/or alcohol. This theory is being given more weight in the figurative investigation into the bands figurative death. The primary piece of evidence is that Crack the Skye attempts and fails to create an ethereal sound and utilizes lyrics about astral travel (or could they be describing a series of acid trips?). Also the diminished musical complexity of the album hints at band members being too drunk to remember mathy song structures. This theory is also flawed; the drumming is still top notch – hardly the work of a drunkard, and there are still some very technical moments on the album.
Figurative officials and the band members themselves are making no claims as to the cause of figurative death. It appears that the response from former fans is mixed. Some former fans have simply adapted to Crack the Skye’s intellectually dead heavy rock sound. Many like Jimmy B are distraught about Mastodon’s apparent figurative suicide, murder, or drug overdose. But fear not, the beauty of figurative death is that it can either become permanent or the band can be born again to flourish in the hierarchy of HEAVY FUCKING METAL!
I tickled my taint for 6.3 minutes. Mastodon R.I.P.
