By Null
I was a kid of the working class. In my forty-plus years of being a music fanatic, I’ve never paid more than 20 bucks for a pair of headphones. Why would I? I developed my deep love of music through some of the most shoddy and shitty stereo equipment ever made. A hi-fi sound system is never a necessary vehicle to becoming a music lover. Just ask dad, who listened to AM radio stations blaring 1950s and 60s music out of the single speaker centered in the dashboard of his pickup truck. For me, that will always be the “supreme” delivery system for The Supremes.
Don’t get me wrong; I don’t want a super shitty stereo system, but I’ve never really bought top of the line gear. More power to those that do, but that isn’t me. I do need some decent speakers, though. I need to be able to hear everything clearly vibrating through the air in the room. I’ll tweak the bass and treble until everything is just right.
However, when I was just a kid and got my first Walkman, that’s a portable cassette player to you youngsters, which came with a crappy set of headphones, music became an interstellar, outer space, psychedelic experience that was so intimate. It changed my life forever. I always payed close attention to music, but when I had headphones on I had access to the intricate details of a recording and heard all the slight and nuanced sounds that were not always apparent when music was being vomited through a set of speakers into an open space: the sound of the guitar pick on the strings, the whispered background voices, and the subtle panning of echoes. It was as if I was in the music. It made me interested in the production and stereo mapping of the music, like painting or experiencing a living picture of two canvases, one for each eye and one for each ear coalescing in the brain.
The other great thing about headphones is that one doesn’t have to crank the music to get inside it. I have been known to play some punk rock in headphones pretty loud, but even in middle school I was always mindful to protect my ears and moderate the volume. I remember thinking, “I need to be able to have this relationship with music when I’m an old man. I can’t fuck this up.”
One day, while hanging out on Iron Maiden’s Official website, as one tends to do, I came across their EdPhones. This, of course, is a play on words, as “Eddie” is the mascot of the band. I had discovered that Steve Harris, Iron Maiden’s bass playing and songwriting mastermind, was working with some “stereo system geeks” to design a set of headphones with a wider dynamic range, as apparently, Mr. Harris was unsatisfied with what was out there. He wanted some headphones that would be the best ones with which to listen to Iron Maiden or other metal. Now, I like a lot of different kind of music, but if Steve Harris is trying to make some kick-ass headphones, wouldn’t everything sound good through them?
I contemplated buying some. They fucking looked cool. There was a great picture of Eddie on them surrounded by swirls of blue smoke. The cord was weaved with some sort of fabric, so it wouldn’t get tangled up. Genius. My heart began to race. They looked well-made like a mac truck. I began to rationalize wildly, “I’m 47 years old. I’ve loved music my entire life. I love headphones. I’ve never had a good pair. I’ve dedicated my life to music. I should do it.”
My next step was to look at the price. OK. This set me back a little. Did I tell you I’m a working-class kid who never paid more than 20 bucks for a pair of headphones? However, I’ve seen some high-end headphones and these were cheaper than some of those. I proceed to investigate and learned that they were on sale. Fuck it. I bought the EdPhones.
When they were delivered, I opened the box with great palpitations. The box even looked cool. They had their own little travel bag. Holy shit. One could even lay them flat on a table, as the speakers swiveled.
I walked over to my little CD player and plugged the fuckers in. “What if they don’t sound very good?” I thought about what CD I should put in to listen to first. I knew Iron Maiden would sound good in them. How could they not? So, I went for the next obvious choice…Michael Jackson’s Thriller. As the music started, my head was sprayed with multicolored glitter. I first noticed that the high end was incredibly clear. I had never heard anything like that in headphones. The bass was present. It was like looking through crystal clear water for the first time. I grabbed several albums of various genres and sampled them all evening—jazz, country, death metal, pop. It all sounded fantastic. I did notice that some older punk rock and albums from the 1980s that sounded tinny in their original CD pressing were a little harsh, but the simple remedy to that was turning the volume down slightly, which made the bass more prominent.
Holy fuck. These were the greatest headphones I had ever heard. I immediately called SoDak, a fellow reviewer on Tickle Your Taint, and ranted and raved for about 20 minutes. I cannot express how much I love these EdPhones. I don’t want this to be a commercial, or some gimmick to get people to buy them. As a matter of fact, don’t buy them. They will be my little secret. Suddenly I am overwhelmed with panic. Should I buy another pair and bury them in the backyard? What happens if these break or something?
I sleep with these next to my bed at night. I’m not even kidding.
