Judas Priest - Turbo

(CBS, 1986)

Reviewed by Class Warrior

If you ask a Judas Priest fan to identify their least favorite album from the band’s vast back catalog, odds are good that the Priest devotee will indicate that Turbo holds the place of shame. Apparently, lots of metalheads and Priest fans were pissed off when they heard Turbo. Since I was a latecomer to metal in general and Priest in particular, I never was invested in the band having a certain sound. What is interesting about this complaint is that it is unfounded. Priest never had a signature sound that they had stayed true to since the early 70s. Judas Priest has changed their sound several times during their career. From their Queen-worshipping early days, the transition to true heavy metal that Sad Wings of Destiny represented, the pioneering metal of Sin After Sin and Stained Class, the transition from this sound to the semi-attempt at mainstream acceptance (Hell Bent for Leather), their “metal for the masses” sound of British Steel, Point of Entry, Screaming for Vengeance, and Defenders of the Faith, the attempt at pop-metal (Turbo), the transition from this sound back to the heaviness (Ram It Down), and the double bass drum pounding Renaissance that was Painkiller. I love all of these albums (some more than others), but there are a hell of a lot of different types of metal contained in the main period of Priest’s work.

As I said, I don’t have all the baggage that a fan following Judas Priest during the seventies and eighties would carry. I heard all of their albums within a year of each other, rather than having them stretched out over fifteen or twenty years. I was able to form opinions of them apart from time-constrained expectations. Due to this freedom, I have become completely and totally convinced of one inescapable fact: Turbo is an underrated masterpiece. You have to take it out of the “Priest progression” context in order to come to this conclusion. If you compare it to any Hollywood glam metal album that came out in the same time period, Turbo comes out victorious. Put simply: Turbo rules!

Turbo starts off with five awesome hook-filled tunes. Everyone knows “Turbo Lover,” which is the closest in theme and sound to their previous work. Take out the synths and this song would fit on Defenders of the Faith quite easily. It is the best song on the album, without a doubt. They follow up this gem with four straight top-notch butt rock (sorry Kloghole) anthems – “Locked In,” “Private Property,” “Parental Guidance,” and “Rock You All around the World.” These songs are superior to anything that bands like Ratt, Motley Crue, and others of that ilk ever did. Wait a minute – better than Ratt? Yes! Ratt didn’t have Rob Halford on vocals or the twin guitar domination of K.K. Downing and Glen Tipton. Seriously – listen to these songs with Sunset Strip in mind, and you will be forced to admit their superiority. I don’t understand why these songs weren’t all over the airwaves. “Private Property contains one of those Kiss the Sky/Kiss this Guy moments: “Keep your hands off private property – asshole!” is what I hear.

The only song that interrupts the hard rocking good time is “Out in the Cold,” which is long and slow. It’s a fine tune, but it is unlike the rest of the album. This record is all about having a good time and being young, and “Out in the Cold” disrupts this vibe.

The album finishes up with three more blazing butt rockers: “Wild Nights, Hot and Crazy Days,” “Hot for Love,” and “Reckless.” As I listen to this album for perhaps the fiftieth time, I can’t believe that it is considered to be among Judas Priest’s worst. What more do you, the discriminating metal connoisseur, want from them? Great tunes, more hooks on the album than most bands managed in a career, Rob’s distinctive vocal delivery, Glen and K.K.’s six-string mastery… Okay, the lyrics are a little cheesy, I’ll give you that. At least there’s no misogyny, no thinly veiled hatred and/or fear of women. I don’t think Motley Crue, Poison, et al. can say that. Rob’s just trying to tap in to that teenage demon that we all felt way back then. I remember his (the demon’s, not Rob’s) hot breath on the back of my neck urging me toward the carnal side of life. Better than being urged toward the Carnie side! My bedroom wall would be decorated with those small mirrored pictures of rock bands and cheap stuffed animals.

It is very difficult to pick a favorite among all of these underappreciated rock classics, but I’ll have to go with “Private Property” and “Locked In.” They’re all great. I easily could have picked two different songs and been just as pleased.

Another point in this album’s favor is that the documentary “Heavy Metal Parking Lot” was filmed during Priest’s “Turbo” tour in 1986.

If you ever get the chance, check out the pictures that come with the album! Holy crap! They are some of the funniest shit you will ever see! Dave Holland looks like a fucking poodle! Glen’s hair is teased up so high! I wish I had a poster of the group photo – I would put it on my office wall. Or my bedroom wall… The photos are worth the price of the album alone!

This is an album to throw on when you’re trying to get your metal friends to dance, when you’re driving around the neon-tinted city at night, when you’re up for some good-natured “Reckless” thuggery (or huggery!), or when you and your partner are “Hot for Love.” I would totally play this album during sex! Your potential partner will say “What’s this awesome music?” That’s when you say “Shh,” take off your denim and leather, and let him/her know that you’re “All Fired Up” (bonus song on CD). Play this album the next time you want to get “Locked In” to your lover’s “Private Property,” or else you’ll be left “Out in the Cold.”

Turbo earns nine bloody swords (which are covered in purple velvet). If ye of false metal faith have ignored this album on principle, prepare yourself for some “Wild Nights” of rocking out and “Hot and Crazy Days” of sexual freedom. It may be just the tonic to free you from your buttoned up existence.