The following post is part of the imaginary obituaries series.
Conservative celebrity, subpar actor, Ricky Schroder died this past weekend in his California home. Ironically, he choked to death shoveling foie gras down his gullet with a silver spoon. He was celebrating the acquittal of Kyle Rittenhouse, who Schroder had previously donated over a hundred thousand dollars for bail. Schroder was primarily known for his acting roles as a spoiled rich kid in the television show Silver Spoons and a detective in NYPD Blue. In real life, he was also a prick, opposing Black Lives Matter, promoting anti-vaccination, committing violence against loved ones, and protesting Foo Fighters concerts, arguing that vaccination requirements are equilivent to segregation. Perhaps, Schroder’s mother said it best when she was asked to reflect upon her son, “Every day of his life, I wish I would have had an abortion.”
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