We share here some of the musical grievances of fellow taint ticklers.
Jimmy “Explosive Diarrhea” B.:
The Who:
I have wanted to see The Who for decades, and I was finally able to attend one of their shows. The show was great in some ways, and will no doubt make my 2022 highlight list as well as this list. The problem with the show was the thirty musicians on the stage. There were both woodwind and string orchestras. There were three people playing guitar, and a keyboardist. The Who should be a quartet where only three are playing instruments. Every bit of the sonic space was filled. I found it difficult to hear Pete’s solos. Even the drums were dulled.
Lazy Fucking Artists:
A year ago, I whined about how bands that could not tour were not making and/or releasing new albums. I stand by this statement since very little was released over a two-year period, and the flood of albums hitting the market over the last six months has not made up for the lost years of musical releases. But my current complaint is the flood. I don’t care about most of the things being released. However, I am interested in enough of them to make it hard for me to keep up with what is coming out. These assholes should have been releasing these albums over the past two years instead of reaching into my pocket all at the same time.
Krallice:
I used to really dig the metal band Krallice. Their albums have decent production values, but in 2022 I purchased Demonic Wealth. Musically, the album, what I can hear of it, seems stellar. Unknown to me at the time of purchase is that the album was recorded by using cell phones. Nothing turns me off of a band like bad production. And when the band intentionally makes an unlistenable album, I am fucking done with that band.
Mrs. Diarrhea B:
I had tickets to see Mike Watt at a small club in a nearby city. Mrs. D. and I drove about an hour south, when she started puking. Mrs. D., you see, does not have a good sniffer; she cannot tell when the meat she is eating has turned bad. At the time the heaving started, we were about ten minutes from the venue (it’s lucky we have dogs—poop bags make a great vomit receptacle). My first-time seeing Watt will have to take place later, and Mrs. D. will be staying home.
Marty Robbins:
I grew up listening to Marty Robbin’s cowboy songs. I love those songs. I assumed that all of his records would be fantastic—with an amazing voice like his how could they be bad. I was wrong. Marty Robbins sucks. The cowboy songs are great, everything else is horrible. He, along with Jim Ed Brown, ranks at the bottom of the country hierarchy for me. Complete shit!
Scott:
Neil Young and Crazy Horse recently released a new album, World Record. I can’t tell you anything about the music, because I haven’t listened yet. (I did like their last one, Barn.) But I was annoyed to learn that, even though the album is forty-something minutes long, he’s releasing it on two CDs, to “mirror” the vinyl track list, which is split between two records. Who gives a shit about “mirroring” the vinyl? Is this a real thing? What the fuck! Not only does it make the CD more expensive, which is obnoxious, it’s also wasteful. Decisions involving CD packaging aren’t driving the ecological crisis, I realize, but Neil Young, who claims to care about such things, should know better.
SoDak:
Fluctuating Ticket Prices:
The vast majority of shows that I attend have set ticket prices, which I purchase directly from the venue. However, there is the occasional concert that requires buying a ticket from piece of shit corporate entities such as Live Nation or Ticketmaster. These companies figured out another way to destroy music with their greedy objectives, as they have fluctuating ticket prices, determined by the amount of folks searching for seats. Fuck Live Nation. Fuck Ticketmaster. Of course, this sentiment is nothing new, but worth repeating, as these groups figure out new ways to fuck people over.
Dancing Couple at Gaslight Anthem Show:
From time to time, I end up at a concert where the couple in front of me decides to perform just for me. When this happens, it is almost always a young woman dressed as a rich hippie with a boyfriend who looks like Tarzan and is wearing a Hawaiian shirt. They intertwine their arms and legs, simulating fucking each other. Their hands run through each other’s hair, as they thrust into each other. In the throngs of their pleasure, they repeatedly bump into me, as if I am a wall, helping brace their actions. This sort of dirty dancing, or more appropriately dry fucking, is different than rocking out. It is incredibly distracting. Plus, I do not want their butt grease and love juices on my jeans.
Drive-By Truckers, Welcome to Club XIII.
I love the Drive-By Truckers. They are generally a consistent and hard-working band. They are also awesome live. Their most recent record Welcome to Club XIII is a very lack-luster record.
Anita Papsmear:
Motherfuckers! What a year it’s been. In some ways, it flew by. In other ways, it dragged ass, with each month itchier and scratchier than the last. Are you as exhausted as I am? The pandemic continues to take its toll on everything and everyone. Every societal system is broken under the weight of greed, ignorance, and apathy. Women are now powerless to decide what happens with their lives and their bodies. Our rights literally ripped from our insides. Women are now akin to livestock and have to worry about facing jail time for pursuing family planning. As for me, SCOTUS means nothing. Greed and puritanical ideology corrupt everything it touches. Either stack that fucking court or abolish it for something better, but fuck these Conservative Federalists.
Wanna hear more of my 2022 Fuck Yous? Here you go:
Conservatives: You have accepted violence and hatred as part of your platform. Don’t tell me you are a fiscal conservative and that’s why you vote Republican. The time has long since passed where you can claim to be a one-issue voter and hide behind that simple statement. Women’s rights are dissolving before our eyes, people who are anything but white and straight are beaten, killed, and ridiculed. Your party of choice intends to keep everyone but white males down. Do you not take pause when white supremacists are backing your thoughts? Your politicians? Your belief system? Oh…and you obviously don’t know how elections work. Can I recommend Steve “Daddy” Kornacki? Whatever you do, you piece of shit, don’t waste your time looking up facts, learning things and expanding your mind. By all means, stay stupid and ignorant and claim your personal religious belief system should control everyone. You are anti-American. Go ahead and thank the liberals for that social security check, that health care, that maternity/paternity leave, that park you like to take your dog to, blah, blah, blah. The future is peaceful, green, and full of equality—deal with it or take yourself out in whatever manner you see fit.
People who don’t vote: Fuck you and your apathy. The only reason fascists are taking control of this country is because enough good people do nothing. Fucking vote! People died for you to have the right to do so.
Cancer: Fuck you cancer. Fuck you right in the ass.
American Health Care System: Don’t kid yourself, health insurance companies rule over the doctors' expertise and insurance companies determine your course of care. For profit health care is not health care. We are all going to need and depend on health care at some point and are we are all doomed. Good people die every day because they don’t have money to pay for treatments that can make them well or more comfortable. We are a shameful nation.
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